Baxter's Buzz
I've worked really hard to have a FAMILY. The type of family I didn't see growing up. This perfectly stitched image. something that says, "We made it."
Life is so imperfect and we need to just roll with the punches. We don't need to let everyone know all of our problems, but appreciate the imperfections as opportunities for improvement. Appreciate the imperfections as a reminder that nobody is at 100%. Every household, every person, every family, every business, every relationship has areas for improvement. BUT. But it will never be perfect. We get mad at the company we work for because things aren't "perfect," but we go home to all sorts of issues and seem to just accept them. Why is that?
Folks expend so much energy attempting to appear perfect. Why don't you take some of that time and work on improving your situation instead of maintaining your facade? Then it'd allow others to relax as well, because they'd realize that they weren't the only ones facing a situation. That'll never happen though.
My imperfections. My struggles. My insecurities. All of these things have made me. My failures have pushed me towards new endeavors. My failures taught me that I could bounce back from these things and do great things and replace some previous failures with successes. I'm a winner, but ONLY because of my failures. Winning isn't always being on top. Winning is scraping from the bottom and finding that crack of light in the midst of darkness. And following that light with the optimism that more is coming. That you'll see more light eventually. And if not for the dark, what is light? How can one truly appreciate the light, if they haven't experienced dark times?
We're all incomplete. Unfinished canvases looking for a particular brush or color to make it a masterpiece. Don't ever stop looking but also take time to appreciate your canvas. It IS a masterpiece in the making and the imperfect areas provides character and depth. Embrace the good and bad as part of YOUR canvas and don't ever give up.
Sunday, August 31, 2014
Sunday, June 22, 2014
Welcome To The Club
Baxter's Buzz
So there's a Coney Island that I'll go to from time to time to buy breakfast. Every now and then, I'll have enough time to call my order in, pick it up and still get to work on time. It feels like every time I go inside the restaurant, there's a new cook working. One day while I waited (waay too long) for a simple order of eggs, hash browns, and sausage, the server apologize profously and even went as far to say, "He won't be here long," in reference to the latest cook. He had this look on face: Annoyed. Confused. The staff of servers seem to remain consistent, but the only thing consistent about the revolving door of cooks was the look on their faces.
Why is that? Why do some people last at a job and some are sent packing?
A friend of mine left my current employer because, quite frankly, they were made an offer they could not refuse. The other issue was the lack of support they received at their former employer. They weren't the favorite of some of the more influential people at work because those folks did not know how to handle a genuine person who happened to be comfortable in their own skin. Yes, my friend is loud, but never malicious. By the time people realized that, in fact, this person was truly awesome, the narrative was already written. They lost a good worker and an even better person when my friend took another job.
Why do certain people hang on at a job? Is it because they get the blessings of the "cool kids"?
The other thing is leadership. Bad managers will run off good people. Sometimes you hire a bad manager and before you realize that they're awful, you've lost a handful of quality employees. Sometimes the managers have been there so long, it sort of becomes a situation where folks just accept it and throw their hands up. Poor management/leadership kills an organization from so many angles. You lose good personnel, your team is underdeveloped and you kill morale because everyone can see this proverbial train is headed nowhere fast!
Companies have these surveys, wanting to know if employees are happy, but many times they're missing the obvious. Leadership is weak and won't get rid of the cancers in the organization, or the leaderership is, in fact, the cancers and nobody above them (if there is someone above them) recognize this or have the guts to make a change.
Do all of the cooks at the Coney Island I frequent suck? Let's peel the onion back slightly. Who's hiring these guys? Are they doing something wrong? Are they being picked on by these spiteful servers, and are the servers the real issue? Has anyone talked to them? How many "bad hires" can there be until they look at some other issues?
FYI, I started this blog weeks ago and since then I have decided that I'm NEVER going back to that Coney. The servers are careless and indifferent at best, and rude at worst.
But what do I know?
So there's a Coney Island that I'll go to from time to time to buy breakfast. Every now and then, I'll have enough time to call my order in, pick it up and still get to work on time. It feels like every time I go inside the restaurant, there's a new cook working. One day while I waited (waay too long) for a simple order of eggs, hash browns, and sausage, the server apologize profously and even went as far to say, "He won't be here long," in reference to the latest cook. He had this look on face: Annoyed. Confused. The staff of servers seem to remain consistent, but the only thing consistent about the revolving door of cooks was the look on their faces.
Why is that? Why do some people last at a job and some are sent packing?
A friend of mine left my current employer because, quite frankly, they were made an offer they could not refuse. The other issue was the lack of support they received at their former employer. They weren't the favorite of some of the more influential people at work because those folks did not know how to handle a genuine person who happened to be comfortable in their own skin. Yes, my friend is loud, but never malicious. By the time people realized that, in fact, this person was truly awesome, the narrative was already written. They lost a good worker and an even better person when my friend took another job.
Why do certain people hang on at a job? Is it because they get the blessings of the "cool kids"?
The other thing is leadership. Bad managers will run off good people. Sometimes you hire a bad manager and before you realize that they're awful, you've lost a handful of quality employees. Sometimes the managers have been there so long, it sort of becomes a situation where folks just accept it and throw their hands up. Poor management/leadership kills an organization from so many angles. You lose good personnel, your team is underdeveloped and you kill morale because everyone can see this proverbial train is headed nowhere fast!
Companies have these surveys, wanting to know if employees are happy, but many times they're missing the obvious. Leadership is weak and won't get rid of the cancers in the organization, or the leaderership is, in fact, the cancers and nobody above them (if there is someone above them) recognize this or have the guts to make a change.
Do all of the cooks at the Coney Island I frequent suck? Let's peel the onion back slightly. Who's hiring these guys? Are they doing something wrong? Are they being picked on by these spiteful servers, and are the servers the real issue? Has anyone talked to them? How many "bad hires" can there be until they look at some other issues?
FYI, I started this blog weeks ago and since then I have decided that I'm NEVER going back to that Coney. The servers are careless and indifferent at best, and rude at worst.
But what do I know?
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
David and Goliath
Baxter's Buzz
I just finished reading the book David and Goliath by Malcom Gladwell. It takes a look at underdogs versus (perceived) favorites and emphasizes that things are not always what they seem. It examines the "misfits and the art of battling giants."
We must be willing to challenge what's considered
"common knowledge" and use our downfalls as strength, giving us
courage in our next endeavor. It's funny how I can listen to music or read a
book or have a convo with someone and the themes feel similar. I believe that God will continue to enter themes in your life in order for you to receive a particular message. I know
sometimes people don't want to think, and I'm like that....sometimes. But
there's so much to think about ! How long should we be "not
thinking"? LOL.
The powerful aren't as powerful as it seems and the same goes for the weak. there's no substitute for experience. Experience, when used correctly, gives us courage. At our best, we're able to turn fear into a strength. Confidence knows no competition. But how do we acquire confidence?
The powerful aren't as powerful as it seems and the same goes for the weak. there's no substitute for experience. Experience, when used correctly, gives us courage. At our best, we're able to turn fear into a strength. Confidence knows no competition. But how do we acquire confidence?
I'm tired of being
afraid. I. WANT. MORE. I don't want to let fear or laziness keep me from all
the cool shit that I wanna do!
Tragedy effects us all differently. It has made
me a persistent SOB! It has made me dismiss failure because I was so used to it. I would pick myself up so quickly from a fall, if you blinked you may have missed it. Failure doesn't devastate me, it allows me to hone in on my goal even more. Persistence is probably the best trait I have, and it is directly related to things I faced as a young man. Being able to bounce back from pitfalls has given me confidence to continue on.
But as I've acquired some things and attained some success,
I've gotten lazy at times. Combine that with accumulating things: Wife, house,
children and you tend to be a bit more conservative, afraid of losing what you
actually have. Even though THERE'S SO MUCH MORE to accumulate. And so much to
teach and share with others.
We must not forget who or what "brought us to the dance," meaning we must continue to utilize our strengths as we strive for goals. When you get that promotion at work, you must now work even harder for the next one. When you buy that home, you have to crank it up a notch to maintain it. When you get married, you must give 10 times the effort in order to keep that union thriving.
I believe that I've lost some of my edge over time. And if you become too polished, you tend to blend in and become a piece of the furniture. You become another sheep in the herd. YOUR particular edge will allow you to separate yourself from others in your field. And just remember, you can go from favorite to loser in a short series of moments. But if you are the underdog, play to your strengths and utilize your resources to put the odds of succeeding in your favor.
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
January 14, 2014
Baxter's Buzz
My baby girl is down for the night. That's the only time of the day that squirming baby is still. After I fed her I put her on my shoulder and just laid there. I was waiting for her to burp but I didn't want to put her down. She's getting big so fast.She's crawling and I'm sure she waved and said "hi" to a picture of herself today.
On most days I feel like she's the only thing I have in this world. To see the world through a child's eyes, it must be a quite the treat. No limits or prejudices. And a true appreciation for the world around them. Not some "I can't wait until Friday," or "Just trying to maintain." These children are learning something new everyday and soaking up the world as it comes.
Genuine energy and enthusiasm for life, every single day. Enthusiasm on a random Sunday afternoon (Even if the Lions lose) or Wednesday evening is something that we can all learn from. Every day is truly a gift.
A gift that is unopened by many and only half opened by most.
I want to wake up like it is Christmas each day. And get the most of my potential for those who didn't make it this far. For friends and family that are no longer with us, lets' live for them! Those who inspired us and helped us along on our journey, let's strive for the best in their honor.
Sunday, November 17, 2013
Peace on the Court
Baxter's Buzz
Sports is my reality TV. It helps me get through whatever I'm going through and takes my mind off of real things going on in my life. Those millionaires playing a game is pretty silly, don't you think? As I've gotten older, I haven't taken sports as seriously. I still love my local teams but perspective is a beautiful thing. Like today for instance, the Detroit "Stinkin".Lions loss another winnable game. Do you know how many times I've seen that shit? But I was able to spend the rest of my evening with my lovely wife and my baby girl. How can I be mad about millionaires playing a game when I'm watching my first born be the cutest baby on the planet? Slightly annoyed? Oh, for sure, but nothing more....well, most of the time.
Basketball has been so therapeutic for me over the years. When I was a teenager, thinking the world was going to end because of a girl, I was able to go to the park and let off some steam. I've been playing basketball again recently and it has helped me through some pretty tough times. There's nothing like playing a game you love. I had been away from the game for too long and I didn't always have the proper outlet for my competitive juices. Sometimes you have that pent up aggression with nowhere to direct it. I now feel more balanced.
There's enough seriousness in the world, and we're all big kids so sports brings our attention to something that isn't work or family. Just a little trash talking and an opportunity to enjoy teamwork at its finest (when you're winning).
As my friend and I walked out of the gym today, we asked another guy that we've been playing with if there was something wrong. He didn't seem like himself and he finally admitted that he had just attended his cousin's funeral yesterday. Then he said, "I came to the gym to get away from it and my mind off of things." It feels good to know that it isn't just me who can find peace, if only temporary, on the basketball court.
Sports is my reality TV. It helps me get through whatever I'm going through and takes my mind off of real things going on in my life. Those millionaires playing a game is pretty silly, don't you think? As I've gotten older, I haven't taken sports as seriously. I still love my local teams but perspective is a beautiful thing. Like today for instance, the Detroit "Stinkin".Lions loss another winnable game. Do you know how many times I've seen that shit? But I was able to spend the rest of my evening with my lovely wife and my baby girl. How can I be mad about millionaires playing a game when I'm watching my first born be the cutest baby on the planet? Slightly annoyed? Oh, for sure, but nothing more....well, most of the time.
Basketball has been so therapeutic for me over the years. When I was a teenager, thinking the world was going to end because of a girl, I was able to go to the park and let off some steam. I've been playing basketball again recently and it has helped me through some pretty tough times. There's nothing like playing a game you love. I had been away from the game for too long and I didn't always have the proper outlet for my competitive juices. Sometimes you have that pent up aggression with nowhere to direct it. I now feel more balanced.
There's enough seriousness in the world, and we're all big kids so sports brings our attention to something that isn't work or family. Just a little trash talking and an opportunity to enjoy teamwork at its finest (when you're winning).
As my friend and I walked out of the gym today, we asked another guy that we've been playing with if there was something wrong. He didn't seem like himself and he finally admitted that he had just attended his cousin's funeral yesterday. Then he said, "I came to the gym to get away from it and my mind off of things." It feels good to know that it isn't just me who can find peace, if only temporary, on the basketball court.
Sunday, November 10, 2013
If I Could Go Back In Time
Baxter's Buzz
"Are you going to invite him to the party?" My wife asked me today. My reply was simply, "No."
She asked me was I done with him, but he's been done with me for quite some time. I try to put myself in the shoes of others and attempt to see things how they may be seeing them. Sometimes I am so rational, that it is difficult for me to get upset at others because I understand that we are all imperfect. I want to be mad and blame people for things that have happened to me, but most of the time I can't. And honestly, sometimes, it bugs the hell out of me!
I want to be mad because I've been a loyal friend to anyone I've ever called a friend and that hasn't always been reciprocated. I want to be mad because I've always been accessible and I can't even get certain people to answer their phone when I call. I want to be mad because some folks get amnesia when it comes to those who were there for them when they were going through issues. The have a selective memory and remember your shortcomings but they are afraid of a mirror.
I've gone through all sorts of ups and downs over the past couple of years and I would've liked to share those things with the people I've always shared moments with. I'm not afraid of a mirror. I don't always like what I see, but I never fool myself into thinking the truth is anything other than just that.
I wish I could go back in time and talk to my family, on my mother's and father's side and explain to them how important it is for me to stay connected once my mother passed. I wish I could tell them to share stories with me about her so that her memory would live on. I wish I could tell them to not be so effin selfish and to make time for me. Come and get me during the holidays to visit my mom's side of the family. I'd tell them that not talking about issues doesn't make them go away. Maybe they should've taken me to therapy. Maybe they could've just been present in my life.
But everyone had their own lives to deal with, right? Maybe they didn't know what to say to an eight year old whose life was turning upside down. And maybe instead of trying to work through those challenges, they decided to not even try. So as I look at my 6 month old daughter and think about the stories that I'll share with her, there will be many questions that she'll ask that I won't be able to answer. I hope that I'll be able to fill in some of those blanks between now and then. I want to rid myself of any resentment and continue to seek out family members to not only get some answers, but to reconnect. I cannot repeat their lack of effort on my behalf. I am now doing this for my family so my daughter will have a sense of her history.
If I could go back in time and talk to my family, I'd share my disappointment with their lack of a plan. I'd explain that taking someone's history is one of the worst things you can do to them. I'd then tell them that I'll become a winner and productive member of society, with or without their support, but I'd choose the former ten out of ten times. God has blessed me with strength, determination and a drive to succeed, against all odds. The friends that I no longer speak to were at one time, shoulders that I could lean on, taking the place of the family I never got a chance to learn and grow up with.
So that's why it's difficult for me to get upset. All of my experiences, good and bad, has gotten me to this place. And although my life is far from perfect, the challenges that I've faced has given me the confidence to know that I can overcome all sorts of obstacles. So instead of going back to chastise family members for their lack or interest or effort, I'd go and talk to myself. I'd tell myself to ask questions. To demand to see my family and to not take no for an answer. I'd try to explain to my eight year old brain that sometimes you're a better friend to others than they are to you, and that's okay. I'd tell myself that all people aren't meant to be in your life forever. So take the memories you've shared and the lessons you've learned while with them and consider yourself blessed to have had them in your life.
"Are you going to invite him to the party?" My wife asked me today. My reply was simply, "No."
She asked me was I done with him, but he's been done with me for quite some time. I try to put myself in the shoes of others and attempt to see things how they may be seeing them. Sometimes I am so rational, that it is difficult for me to get upset at others because I understand that we are all imperfect. I want to be mad and blame people for things that have happened to me, but most of the time I can't. And honestly, sometimes, it bugs the hell out of me!
I want to be mad because I've been a loyal friend to anyone I've ever called a friend and that hasn't always been reciprocated. I want to be mad because I've always been accessible and I can't even get certain people to answer their phone when I call. I want to be mad because some folks get amnesia when it comes to those who were there for them when they were going through issues. The have a selective memory and remember your shortcomings but they are afraid of a mirror.
I've gone through all sorts of ups and downs over the past couple of years and I would've liked to share those things with the people I've always shared moments with. I'm not afraid of a mirror. I don't always like what I see, but I never fool myself into thinking the truth is anything other than just that.
I wish I could go back in time and talk to my family, on my mother's and father's side and explain to them how important it is for me to stay connected once my mother passed. I wish I could tell them to share stories with me about her so that her memory would live on. I wish I could tell them to not be so effin selfish and to make time for me. Come and get me during the holidays to visit my mom's side of the family. I'd tell them that not talking about issues doesn't make them go away. Maybe they should've taken me to therapy. Maybe they could've just been present in my life.
But everyone had their own lives to deal with, right? Maybe they didn't know what to say to an eight year old whose life was turning upside down. And maybe instead of trying to work through those challenges, they decided to not even try. So as I look at my 6 month old daughter and think about the stories that I'll share with her, there will be many questions that she'll ask that I won't be able to answer. I hope that I'll be able to fill in some of those blanks between now and then. I want to rid myself of any resentment and continue to seek out family members to not only get some answers, but to reconnect. I cannot repeat their lack of effort on my behalf. I am now doing this for my family so my daughter will have a sense of her history.
If I could go back in time and talk to my family, I'd share my disappointment with their lack of a plan. I'd explain that taking someone's history is one of the worst things you can do to them. I'd then tell them that I'll become a winner and productive member of society, with or without their support, but I'd choose the former ten out of ten times. God has blessed me with strength, determination and a drive to succeed, against all odds. The friends that I no longer speak to were at one time, shoulders that I could lean on, taking the place of the family I never got a chance to learn and grow up with.
So that's why it's difficult for me to get upset. All of my experiences, good and bad, has gotten me to this place. And although my life is far from perfect, the challenges that I've faced has given me the confidence to know that I can overcome all sorts of obstacles. So instead of going back to chastise family members for their lack or interest or effort, I'd go and talk to myself. I'd tell myself to ask questions. To demand to see my family and to not take no for an answer. I'd try to explain to my eight year old brain that sometimes you're a better friend to others than they are to you, and that's okay. I'd tell myself that all people aren't meant to be in your life forever. So take the memories you've shared and the lessons you've learned while with them and consider yourself blessed to have had them in your life.
Friday, November 8, 2013
Only Love
Baxter's Buzz
Life takes some interesting turns. Looking back as I approach my 2 year anniversary at my latest job, I can clearly say that change is the only certainty in this world. I'm telling you, unpredictability, is a friend we better get acquainted with. He ain't going anywhere!
I've lost touch with two of my closest friends. Two people who know more about me than most, I've had minimum contact with recently. How does one explain something like that? No drama. No big blow up or argument. Sometimes, people grow apart and there is no clear-cut explanation. #Shrug
I've also made some friends in this same time-frame. And I've grown closer to some family recently. I also met the sweetest little girl in the world when my daughter was born. I am saddened by the change of events, but I rarely get a chance to think about it. My life is full, for sure. The past is what has shaped me, but I do not live there. I wonder what these next 12 months will bring. My plan is continue to spend time with those I care about. And let them know how special they are to me. No room in my heart for resentment, only love.
Life takes some interesting turns. Looking back as I approach my 2 year anniversary at my latest job, I can clearly say that change is the only certainty in this world. I'm telling you, unpredictability, is a friend we better get acquainted with. He ain't going anywhere!
I've lost touch with two of my closest friends. Two people who know more about me than most, I've had minimum contact with recently. How does one explain something like that? No drama. No big blow up or argument. Sometimes, people grow apart and there is no clear-cut explanation. #Shrug
I've also made some friends in this same time-frame. And I've grown closer to some family recently. I also met the sweetest little girl in the world when my daughter was born. I am saddened by the change of events, but I rarely get a chance to think about it. My life is full, for sure. The past is what has shaped me, but I do not live there. I wonder what these next 12 months will bring. My plan is continue to spend time with those I care about. And let them know how special they are to me. No room in my heart for resentment, only love.
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