#BaxtersBuzz
Happy Easter! All the days seem to be running together with
birthdays and the Easter holiday. Wifey has done such a great job of tying things
together. She made sure there were gifts for Bryce's special day. Things are
already ordered for Zara's birthday (later this month) and these spoiled little
things actually had Easter baskets! Oh yeah, my birthday is in April too, just
to add to the dynamic.
Song of the Day - 'I
Wonder' by Kanye West. The wife and I were engaged, sharing one car, and living
in Lansing, Michigan at this time. Kanye's Graduation album was the soundtrack
to my life that year. I "wonder" a lot in general. I ponder. Mostly
looking ahead though (suppression of memories is my thing) and rarely backward.
Back in 2007-2008, I wondered what would be next for my soon to be wife and I.
Wondered how the f I got to Lansing. And I always, and still do wonder what is
next for me and the way I provide for the family. Not exactly sure what the
future holds, but I know that this blog needs to be a part of my life!
Selfishly, I need to document these thoughts to help me process all of the
emotions, thoughts, and ideas. The journaling is therapeutic. The hope is to
sleep better! I'm also choosing to share
these things, with the hope of inspiring some of you.
You Gon Hurt Your Back - I'm a decent person with a large
number (huge number!) of blind spots. Blind spots, meaning, things that I'm not
interested in/or aware that others are interested in. Or just flat out ignorant
to. I am so thankful that my wife keeps
an eye on things that are hardly ever on my radar. She adds so much
"regular people" shit to my life. Most things don't seem like a big
deal to me because I didn't experience them. And if there was any
disappointment from the past, I tucked it away and kept it moving.
Defense Mechanisms - That's how I've handled most of the
things in my life. It helped me growing up. The suppression. The
compartmentalization. I'm sure it kept me from losing my mind as a young
person, asking questions that either couldn't be answered or answered with
harsh truths that I probably wasn't prepared for. I think about many of my
friends and the baggage that we carry. God bless the partners and spouses who
love us for us. Baggage and all. If you don't think you have baggage, think
again. It's not about who has the most, it's about being empathetic and
accepting of your partner's weaknesses. If someone is putting up with your
crap, try to be more accepting of theirs.
No Bad Energy - As Wifey talks to her father on the phone, I
find myself being torn about how to deal with him. Have you ever found out that
someone has a problem with you through... someone else!? Last time I spoke with
him, I was thanking him for allowing the kids and I to take the hour trip and
visit him. I was killing two birds: Giving my wife a break from us and letting
the kids see their PaPa (and vice versa). The rest of the story isn't
important, but I thought we had a decent day. Come to find out, he did not see
it that way after I left. I'm not in the business of forcing people to share
with me. I used to be in that business, but with a few folks that I deeply care
for. I learned (the hard way) that either people will care enough about you to
share any problems they have with you or they won't. I have plenty of things to
be thankful for and plenty of relationships to develop. I can't give much
energy to bullshit. I'm ALWAYS open to a conversation, but I'm not playing mind
reader.
Grateful - During this pandemic, I have been a little
embarrassed by our privilege. We're in such a better position than most, that I
feel bad for complaining about certain things right now. That's not to say that
we don't have issues, but in the grand scheme of things, life is pretty good.
Wifey and I are still working and it looks like we both are in decent shape
with our employers. But these kids....they are running us into the ground! Our
children spend a lot of time with us generally, but this is different. They
need what they need and there's nobody to blame, but I know there's more that I
can be doing. Many times, it points to more organization from me. A better plan
of attack for each day. But as Mike Tyson once said, "Everybody has a plan
until they get punched in the face." and that's how most days feel LOL.
Health is Wealth - This covid-19 is the scariest shit
imaginable. I'm praying for the entire world's healing and I hope folks are
staying home and taking this seriously. To the essential workers, thank you!
This is like a bad, scariest ass movie. My heart goes out to all of those who
have lost loved ones to this.
Read more. Write more. Love more. Pray more. Live more.
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