Family Matters 2015

#BaxtersBuzz

This weekend, starting on Friday, was much more difficult than I had anticipated. My father is a leap year baby and he would've been celebrating his 79th year on earth on Friday. Actually, we (meaning his family) would've been celebrating it and he'd be downplaying it, like he downplayed most things. I remember in 2004 talking to him on the phone, asking him what his plans were for his birthday. He said, "I don't know. It's just another day." I had to remind him that actually it isn't! This is a day that only comes every four years. He never wanted to make a big fuss about things and I can be the same way. One of my goals is to be more passionate about things and remind myself that it's okay to make waves and challenge the status quo from time to time.

I've done things recently that were very much outside of my comfort zone and I've been rewarded with some outstanding results. Those moments of vulnerability are reminders that things still matter. If we never got butterflies or never felt those beads of sweat on our foreheads while going against OUR grain, what are we doing? Everyone on social media and in our personal lives are always talking about "haters" doing this or that to them. I truly believe that we're our own biggest enemy many times. We make promises to ourselves that we never keep and we talk ourselves out of acting boldy, killing our own ambition.

Family Matters - I went to two birthday parties in February. One on the 14th and the other on the 28th. These were both family members of mine. Oddly, wifey and I were the only that attended both. Our family doesn't talk enough. I don't believe that others declined invites, I truly don't think anyone else knew that their family had a party planned. I have little room to talk. I understand that I could be more of a bridge for much of my family and friends, I just don't always know if I want that responsibility. Not sure if I care enough at times. We want others to join in and "play their part," but we don't always play ours. Someone has to jump out there first and take the plunge. What role do you play for your friends and family? Do YOU want a bigger part? Ain't nothing to it, but to do it.

Read more. Write more. Love more. Pray more. Live more.

Poem by Bax February 25, 2015

#BaxtersBuzz Preoccupation I know where you've been.  Where did we go? Time moves fast. They say wounds don't last. But right now, I'm hurting. I appreciate the time. Hope you feel I was deserving.

Time Flies When You're Having Fun (Or if you're not)

#BaxtersBuzz

2014 - This year has started off much differently than last year, to say the least. This time last year, I spent my days working and my evenings split between my home (my wife and child) and visiting my dad in his last days at the hospital. I ran all over town for months, with (seemingly) every single one of my relationships hanging on by a thread or dissipating right before my eyes. Stress will eat at you from all sorts of angles. And even though you may feel like you're handling it, it's taking a toll.

Silly Geese - There was an opportunity or two at work that didn't go my way during this stretch and there were folks foolish enough to think that I cared about what was going on at my 8-5, when my life really started AFTER 5 at that time. People will give you an entire synopsis on another person without ever talking to that person. Seems easier to just ask....but typically the story isn't as good that way (haha).

2015 - This year my life's much different. I want to test my bandwidth like I did last year, but for projects I'd like to be a part of this time. What advice would you give yourself of 5 years ago? How about 10 years ago? Now, are you taking any of that advice or making the same mistakes your "5 years ago self" was making?

Athletes and their darn opinions - Kevin Durant is making headlines because he actually spoke his mind. We say we want honesty from entertainers and athletes, but when they are TOO HONEST or say something that we don't like, then we have a problem with it. Everyone has a right to their opinion, be it right or wrong. I love my wife to death and I don't agree with EVERY opinion that she has. That's suppose to be the beauty of individuality, right? But we reward assimilation more than anything else. So why can't we disagree with entertainers and still enjoy and appreciate their talent? That's why politicians are always lying (well one of the reasons). It's because if they speak too much of their mind and it goes against how most of their base feels, they could be out of a job! No person is just one thing. If we stuck with some politicians as long as we hung around in bad relationships or bad jobs, the country may be in better shape. Amazing how we have less patience for things that we're not involved in. Nobody is batting 1.000.

Read more. Write more. Love more. Pray more. Live more.

Is Kanye an Idiot?

#BaxtersBuzz

Is Kanye an Idiot? - A week after the Grammys and I am back blogging. Coincidentally in some ways, but this whole "Kanye going Kanye" episode has my juices flowing. I'm always torn because I believe we are so censored in an effort to reserve our "position". You know what, I'll just speak for myself today. I have censored myself because I am unsure of what will happen if I speak up and I appear too disagreeable. I see Kanye and I admire his passion and his freedom. I feel that he makes sense (sometimes) and valid points, but it is buried under some ignorance ( a lot of ignorance in some instances) that he also regularly provides.

Maybe I'm the Idiot - Ok...is Kanye an idiot? In some ways, absolutely! I respect his passion and his freedom in saying things that everyone may not agree with. The fact that I censor myself daily in fear of losing this mediocre position that I have attained... through a mediocre effort and some natural talents that God blessed me with. 

People in this world will attempt to specialize you. You will be rewarded  (sometimes) for becoming a one-trick pony. You will strip down and lose many of your skills and passions in an effort to take care of your family. You may look up one day to realize that you haven't done as much as you'd like.  I don't want that to be me....anymore

The Nerve of U.S. - They're criticizing Cindy Crawford because she's a little flabby. She's 100 years old and looks better than 90% of the people around. I feel like the only thing we enjoy more than a redemption story is tearing someone down in the first place! We spend more time worrying and talking about celebrities and their lives than we do our own. Something is terribly wrong with this picture.

Sad News - A guy I grew up with overdosed on heroin last week. Coming from similar a background, with addiction on both sides of my family, this could've been me.

I actually saw him this past summer and he told me how he hitchhiked to Europe and how he'd  been to every state except Alaska. I have hardly been anywhere!

The Compound Effect - I recommended a book called  "The Compound Effect" to a friend of mine. He sent me a message this weekend, thanking me for it. He said he's invigorated and ready to tackle some things this year. Wow, what a good feeling! A simple text a few months ago has helped change his trajectory somewhat. It makes me want to read the book again myself! We're here to help as many people as we can, however we can. Who knows who he'll help from his newfound focus.

Read more. Write more. Love more. Pray more. Live more

Happy Habits

#BaxtersBuzz

"I remember when I was young and hopeful. Before life beat me down." Those were the words out of my friend's mouth. He was joking but only semi-joking. He's in his late thirties and part of him has given up.

I was out with friends recently and as we shared stories of what was going on in our lives, there were good things and bad things being shared. The ONE thing that we all know and acknowledged is that without our significant others, we wouldn't be as stable or as well off as we are now. My wife has been so instrumental in helping me understand those other things in life that I may have missed, but are so important to her. If it were up to me, we'd probably have the same sofa that I had while I was a broke bachelor! There are things that I never cared about.

Responsibility changes you. Or at least it should. Seeing what's important to my wife gives me a new perspective on things. My point of view has evolved. My daughter being born has once again given me more perspective. Those two will forever shape how I live the rest of my life.

My buddy who I referred to earlier is single, with no kids and no real leads for a spouse. He isn't a terribly happy person. I'm not sure what'll make him happy. Not sure what his plans are when/if he gets married. Not sure if that will complete him. Give him purpose.

I look at all of the social media and listen to people at work and everywhere else. I've determined that generally speaking, we are not a happy bunch. How do we change that?

I must live with my loved ones in mind, but I cannot simply live for them. I was reading an article by Jeff Haden called 7 Things Remarkably Happy People Do Often. I encourage you to follow the link and read this very interesting article. For the purpose of my piece, I'd like to talk about two of the things. Actively pursue your goals. "David Niven, author of 100 Simple Secrets of the Best Half of Life, People who could identify a goal they were pursuing were 19% more likely to feel satisfied with their lives and 26 percent more likely to feel positive about themselves." We have to set goals and strive towards something as a way to feel connected. If we aren't making progress towards something, what are we really doing?

Another thing that happy people do is make good friends. This is a subject that I blogged about just recently. Haden talks about the importance of not just making professional friends, but "real" friends. "Doubling your number of friends is like increasing your income by 50 percent in terms of how happy you feel," is an awesome way to describe the importance of making friends wherever you go. 

Live today. Set goals and pursue them! Make real friends and build relationships that matter. Protect those special relationships with your life, because without them, your life isn't getting the miles to the gallon it's intended to.

There are many aspects of one's life that contribute to their entire portrait. We can't let one missing color make us feel incomplete. Pursuing our goals, while building with our friends and family is good stuff! Nobody's on their death bed wishing they would've taken more naps in their life or played it safer.

It's not just the wins, but the losses as well. It isn't just about the peaks, but the peaks proceeding valleys that you never thought you'd escape. It's not just arriving at your destination, but your entire journey. One day we'll be recalling more memories than we're making. At that point, I want to feel like my life was my own.

Have comments? Let's hear them. Like the blog? Share this with others.

Clear Next Steps

#BaxterBuzz

Definition of networking: the exchange of information or services among individuals, groups, or institutions; specifically: the cultivation of productive relationships for employment or business. Are you networking effectively? Do you have a mentor? Someone who's in a position that you'd like to be some day? What about the company you keep? Anyone of them doing anything that you're aiming towards? 

As I approach the end of this year, I need to look at MY support system and find out what everyone's role is. Should I be adding and/or subtracting based on my goals for 2014? Is this selfish? To some degree, yes, but being selfish isn't always a negative thing. I need to invest into myself by making sure I'm spending time with people and doing things that will feed my spirit, inspire me, and get me to the next level. 

Tomorrow isn't promised and I don't want to waste my time at a crossroad, deciding where to go when I can be going! I'm not big on moving aimlessly just for the sake of moving. I want to move full speed ahead with a group of people who encourage my individuality.

We lose ourselves to peer pressure; to other people's expectations of what we should be doing. Everyone wants us in a box. Society wants us to work within certain parameters, to put ceilings on your dreams. And if it isn't someone else shooting down our dream or discouraging us, self doubt and self pity will paralyze you. 

To truly empower someone, is to encourage their individuality. To give them the confidence to be themselves. The freedom of being yourself is the greatest gift you could ever give yourself or help to give someone else. Most people wouldn't know what to do with their freedom. You could unlock the windows and open up all of the doors and they'd stay their scary asses inside because it's where they feel most comfortable. If you are with people who suppress your ambitions with negative thoughts, jealousy, or simple indifference, you're better off by yourself.

If are not with folks who share your passions and allow you to be yourself and encourage that, you may end up losing yourself and never finding it again.

October 20, 2014

#BaxtersBuzz

Out of town trip this past weekend. First trip away from the baby. Wifey and I celebrated another year of marriage. This whole thing never gets old. There are TOO many variables. Marriage isn't something you master and then it's smooth sailing from then on. The dynamics are constantly changing and you must be in tune with these changes and do your best to keep up. Sometimes you need to do more and then there are times when you need to fall back and relax. If you don't have your eyes open, you'll miss your cues. Once you continue to miss cues, things can go all sorts of ways at that point. Whew! It's exhausting just talking about it.

My baby girl seemed to do well while we were away. When we got back she was excited to see us though. She ran and ran and ran around the house. Let her granny tell it, she hadn't been that hyper the entire weekend. The irony: We enjoyed our time away, but wondered if she missed us. But her missing us too much would've made our time less enjoyable. Us humans and our weird ways! 

Mondays are tough because typically I've been with the family all weekend then I have to head to work. I feel like everyone has the same sentiments. They would've been perfectly fine with another day without seeing our Monday morning mugs.

While we were waiting for a table this weekend, Wifey and I were both on Instagram looking at pictures. This old man with his wife decided to playfully tease us because we were on our phones and not talking to one another. He joked how soon none of us will have social skills because everyone will be texting. I totally understand his thought process and I agree. The irony of the situation is his old ass wasn't talking to his wife either!  He probably was mad because didn't have a smartphone. I love to see the older folks smiling when they know their quip was dead on. I'll be exactly the same way.

Sometimes when you win, you really lose and sometimes when you lose, you really win. Honesty with one's self will give you the proper perspective and help you deal with each scenario.