Another Trip Around the Sun

#BaxtersBuzz

So today is my birthday and shit. I made another trip around the sun!

Today was a day of reflection. I wanted to post around mid-morning, but I wasn't done processing this thought. And as I try to enjoy the day, I can't help but reflect on my past. Today I turned 39 years old. I feel pretty good, especially considering that I haven't had the best week of sleep. As a matter of fact, this has gone on for 3-4 weeks if we’re being honest.

Song of the Day - FEEL by Kendrick Lamar. Almost three years ago to the day, Kendrick Lamar dropped his last studio project. One of the songs that always stirred up so many emotions for me was this one. He raps, " I feel like friends been overrated. I feel like the family been fakin. I feel like the feelings are changing." He's clearly trying to process these feelings of resentment, betrayal, and abandonment. Or maybe that's me projecting how I feel? Hmmm…

Looking For Inspiration - I was honored to have three different people who I admire, tell me they wanted to do some type of creative project with me. These were completely unrelated and unsolicited. It was super flattering! I think there's an energy… a momentum that is building. I can almost taste it! I've tossed and turned for months, trying to shake off fears and avoiding any thoughts of what happens the day AFTER tomorrow. “Tomorrow I have a, b, and c to do.” I can put my head down and lock in. “Sorry! Too busy to think about anything past today and tomorrow.” It’s easier that way. If we continue like that, we’ll be on our death bed, regretting that we didn’t do more with the time we had. I think we're all itching to be great and waiting for an excuse to pursue it. Do we have something that we're passionate enough about to push through the monotonous, unexciting part of the journey? That is the million-dollar question! What if I can help move the needle for someone and help spark that inspiration for them? What if they can do the same for me?

Realigning Your Tribe - One of the books that I'm reading is called "Relational Intelligence" by Dr. Dharius Daniels. He talks about the different types of relationships that we have. Friends, associates, or advisers to name a few. He argues that many times when we're disappointed with someone it is because we have them in the wrong category, and therefore, have expectations that are unfair to you and to that other person. As I began reading the book, I kept thinking about different people from MY past and present. Focusing on what roles these people are playing in my life versus what I may be expecting. All real and legitimate things. But as I made my way through the book, I started to think about what role I was playing in other people’s lives. Some, who seemed to remove me from certain positions and changed their expectations of me. It started to become clear: What I was learning about having the right people in the right positions in my life, some of my people had already learned that lesson. It's (typically) not personal. It’s just shedding your old skin before starting your new journey. If we're picking teams in basketball, everyone can't make it. I imagine that if it went from a basketball game to say, a debating competition, the order of selection may have changed and others may not make the cut

Know Your Role - We're not chosen to run every leg of someone else's race. We may be there to pop things off and then pass the baton. Hell, we may only be there to nurse someone back to health when they're injured and not be part of the actual "race" at all. Every skinned knee, broken heart, and tear drop has a story. When you think about it, it’s humbling to be even a small part of someone’s journey. I'm blessed that many of my friends and I still stay in touch. We talk about the old times, cracking jokes and teasing one another. But other times we're talking about our children, spouses, and offering encouragement. It all depends on the particular friend and what they bring to your life currently. That will determine whether you talk about that summer of 2001 or plan for 2021.

Thanks for reading. Please comment and share with others who may appreciate it.

Read more. Write more. Love more. Pray more. Live more. 

Easter Weekend and Coronavirus

#BaxtersBuzz

Happy Easter! All the days seem to be running together with birthdays and the Easter holiday. Wifey has done such a great job of tying things together. She made sure there were gifts for Bryce's special day. Things are already ordered for Zara's birthday (later this month) and these spoiled little things actually had Easter baskets! Oh yeah, my birthday is in April too, just to add to the dynamic.

Song of the Day -  'I Wonder' by Kanye West. The wife and I were engaged, sharing one car, and living in Lansing, Michigan at this time. Kanye's Graduation album was the soundtrack to my life that year. I "wonder" a lot in general. I ponder. Mostly looking ahead though (suppression of memories is my thing) and rarely backward. Back in 2007-2008, I wondered what would be next for my soon to be wife and I. Wondered how the f I got to Lansing. And I always, and still do wonder what is next for me and the way I provide for the family. Not exactly sure what the future holds, but I know that this blog needs to be a part of my life! Selfishly, I need to document these thoughts to help me process all of the emotions, thoughts, and ideas. The journaling is therapeutic. The hope is to sleep better! I'm  also choosing to share these things, with the hope of inspiring some of you.

You Gon Hurt Your Back - I'm a decent person with a large number (huge number!) of blind spots. Blind spots, meaning, things that I'm not interested in/or aware that others are interested in. Or just flat out ignorant to.  I am so thankful that my wife keeps an eye on things that are hardly ever on my radar. She adds so much "regular people" shit to my life. Most things don't seem like a big deal to me because I didn't experience them. And if there was any disappointment from the past, I tucked it away and kept it moving.

Defense Mechanisms - That's how I've handled most of the things in my life. It helped me growing up. The suppression. The compartmentalization. I'm sure it kept me from losing my mind as a young person, asking questions that either couldn't be answered or answered with harsh truths that I probably wasn't prepared for. I think about many of my friends and the baggage that we carry. God bless the partners and spouses who love us for us. Baggage and all. If you don't think you have baggage, think again. It's not about who has the most, it's about being empathetic and accepting of your partner's weaknesses. If someone is putting up with your crap, try to be more accepting of theirs.

No Bad Energy - As Wifey talks to her father on the phone, I find myself being torn about how to deal with him. Have you ever found out that someone has a problem with you through... someone else!? Last time I spoke with him, I was thanking him for allowing the kids and I to take the hour trip and visit him. I was killing two birds: Giving my wife a break from us and letting the kids see their PaPa (and vice versa). The rest of the story isn't important, but I thought we had a decent day. Come to find out, he did not see it that way after I left. I'm not in the business of forcing people to share with me. I used to be in that business, but with a few folks that I deeply care for. I learned (the hard way) that either people will care enough about you to share any problems they have with you or they won't. I have plenty of things to be thankful for and plenty of relationships to develop. I can't give much energy to bullshit. I'm ALWAYS open to a conversation, but I'm not playing mind reader.

Grateful - During this pandemic, I have been a little embarrassed by our privilege. We're in such a better position than most, that I feel bad for complaining about certain things right now. That's not to say that we don't have issues, but in the grand scheme of things, life is pretty good. Wifey and I are still working and it looks like we both are in decent shape with our employers. But these kids....they are running us into the ground! Our children spend a lot of time with us generally, but this is different. They need what they need and there's nobody to blame, but I know there's more that I can be doing. Many times, it points to more organization from me. A better plan of attack for each day. But as Mike Tyson once said, "Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the face." and that's how most days feel LOL.

Health is Wealth - This covid-19 is the scariest shit imaginable. I'm praying for the entire world's healing and I hope folks are staying home and taking this seriously. To the essential workers, thank you! This is like a bad, scariest ass movie. My heart goes out to all of those who have lost loved ones to this.

Read more. Write more. Love more. Pray more. Live more.

Shut Up and Listen - A Sports Take by Deon Carson and Baxter Hall

For Who? For What?

Why do we want our athletes to act differently than we’d advise our friends to?

                Ah, I remember it like it was yesterday. Blake Griffin, an NBA star, was drafted by the Los Angeles Clippers in 2009 and was approaching his first real opportunity at free agency in the summer of 2017. He was in his athletic prime and had plenty of suitors ready to open up their checkbooks for a talent like Blake's. On the first day of free agency, Blake gave the only team he had ever played for, the first attempt to pitch their vision. Oh, and they made a pitch of all pitches! The Clippers brass brought Blake into the Staples Center, pumped in crowd noise, lowered the lights, and forecasted the future as his  jersey was being hung from the rafters.  The PA announcer said: "Tonight, we’re honoring a lifelong Clipper". Amazing, right? How cool. Blake decided shortly thereafter that Los Angeles was the place for him to retire. Let's stop it there for a moment. We’ll get back to that shortly.

I cannot say it loud enough; loyalty in business is almost non-existent and like it or not, sports are a business. For some reason fans only submit to that premise when the owners make the decisions, but when the players are deciding it becomes personal. Fans: You sound crazy!!! Let’s go through a few examples.

Leading up to the 2018 NBA draft Villanova’s Mikal Bridges was projected to be drafted by the Philadelphia 76ers. The same organization that his mother works for in the Human Resources department. As expected, they draft the hometown kid and he and his mother have a very public emotional moment. She keeps her son in their hometown (What mother wouldn’t want that?!) and he gets an opportunity to play for the team he rooted for as a kid. And while Mikal is doing press, donning his new Sixers hat, it is reported on Twitter that he’s just been traded across the country to Phoenix. Across the country (Chris Rock’s voice)! The reporters in the press room knew before he was even notified!  Anger from the fans? Nope not a peep just chalked up to the cost of doing business.

Deon currently resides in Louisiana. Home of the New Orleans Saints, an organization that was so bad their fans showed up to the games wearing paper bags on their heads. Sean Payton and Drew Brees arrive and all that changes with several playoff appearances and a Super Bowl win. A few years ago, they begin to struggle a bit and the fans here commence to call for the coaches’ head and recommend they move on from their quarterback. Loyalty you say? Those same fans would have been up in arms had Drew said he didn’t want to play here anymore.

When Ricky Waters said “For who? For what?” is this what he meant?

Most recently Demar Derozan was traded from Toronto to San Antonio after he was assured by Toronto that the team was moving forward with him at the helm. Now the same media and fans harping on Kawhi Leonard for being a so-called diva for wanting out of San Antonio have been largely silent or on the side of Toronto for acquiring an upgrade. So, you are approving a team making a clear upgrade because it makes sense, but you’re upset at Demarcus Cousins for making a clear upgrade to a better team? Again, you sound crazy!

Back to Blake Griffin and last summer’s free agency. At this time Blake could have left the team and signed elsewhere, taking control of his destiny. Instead he bought into this vision and re-signs with the Clippers… who then traded him six months later! Where are the snake emojis, where are the trader chants, where’s the vitriol?

There was none from you so-called fans there was not a wave; not a dang on ripple. Save that crap when we’re talking about the players choosing to play where they want to play. What about the less heralded players getting traded in the middle of a road trip being denied entry onto the team plane or players on minimum contracts being cut the day before their salary is guaranteed? Then again, you probably do hear but just don’t care.

We, as a society, talk about being anti-establishment, but we actually are the opposite. That's no knock to anyone, it's the only way our society works. If we all were fighting the system, there would be no system. We talk trash about our bosses about being underappreciated and the moment that we can leave and (seemingly) improve our situation, we do. Most of us will just complain with no action, but a great number will take action; like ask for a raise, go after a promotion, or change employers completely. Then we celebrate these moves.

We toast to taking our life into our own hands and seeking a happier and overall more fulfilling situation. We should do these things, but why are we so against our favorite athletes doing the same thing? We should celebrate all employees empowering themselves and doing what makes them happy. Because if given the chance, many of you would do the exact same things that you complain about.

The Big Money Bob Theory

#BaxtersBuzz

There are only 4 selling days left in the month. The leader board  is sparse to say the least. There are a couple of folks who have hit their quota, but most of us are still just trying to close the business that we've forecast. Management is nervous, per usual, and because they're only one-trick-ponies, they call everyone into the conference room for a "come to Jesus" meeting. I have a little anxiety just writing this.

"What are you 100% certain will close this month?" They ask as everyone's name is being written on the white board. Each name being more crisp than the last, as management attempts to maintain its manufactured enthusiasm. 100% certain? The honest answer is, "absolutely nothing," but those responses don't go over well in meetings like this. So management encourages you to lie, so they can feel better about the numbers they give upper management (then they can blame YOU when those projected numbers fall flat). So as we all try to tell the least ridiculous lie, pushing just a few chips into the center, here come Big Money Bob. He talks about this huge deal (that's over half of his entire monthly quota) and how he's certain that it will close before month's end (for the record, this is the sixth month in a row that he's made some variation of the same promise, yielding very few results). He's just doing what we all should be doing....in a way.

Staff Meeting Monotony - "Hello, let me tell you how great I am". Whenever certain people interject themselves into a conversation, that's typically all I would hear. Or you have these other people who think that talking, even when you don't have something beneficial to say is the way to go. And even though I think it looks silly, not everyone feels that way. Actually, I'm the silly one. Rolling my eyes at these "clowns" while the VP of our company learns their names and not mine. Damn, was I dumb! 

Self Advocate -  It is important to advocate for yourself. It's important to remind the group (and leadership) of the projects that you are working on and what you bring to the table. The part that I struggle with is how to do it organically. Sometimes there isn't a natural way to make people aware of how awesome you are. I'm often very self conscious about talking about myself too much. I'm wondering if that's a lack of confidence or just being too aware? What if the reason that I don't want to talk is to not make others self conscious (another topic for another day)?  This is something that I have been working on, because you either speak up for yourself or allow others to control your narrative. I've been on THAT side of the aisle too many times, thinking that my hard work would speak for itself, as it fell on deaf ears.

What You Can Control - Maybe it is a weekly meeting with your manager. You ask for feedback, but also give your thoughts on things. This would also be the appropriate time to share some of your ideas or projects that she may not be aware of. We all have so many things to balance during the course of a day, getting on your boss's schedule for 15-30 minutes can make all the difference. 

Preparation Is Key - Be prepared to talk about company, how you can add value, and what you are already doing to add value. 

If you can't get time on their calendar, be prepared with 1-3 items to mention during those dreaded team meetings. Find a way to weave them into the discussion to remind folks that you're still around and engaged. And if you feel that there's no way to smoothly insert a comment into the discussion, do it anyway! It probably won't be as bad as you think.

Self Made - Big Money Bob was a guy I worked with in the past. He was always talking about the deals that he was working on. Sharing these with anyone who'd listen. Very few of them ever came to fruition, but we gave him the name of Big Money Bob, because of the deals that he would talk about. That's like getting the name Speedy because you talk about how fast you are, but you have never won a race! It worked in many ways for Bob though. At least he was being talked about. 

The great poet Shawn Jay-Z Carter asks, "Would you rather be underpaid or overrated?" Sure, too much attention can backfire. There is no fool-proof plan, but the presentation can be more persuasive than the substance IF DONE CORRECTLY.

Hard work doesn't speak for itself. It works! If you want your deeds to be recognized, you better hire an agent or look for opportunities to inform leadership of what you are doing. Odds are that you will be overlooked otherwise.

Read more. Write more. Love more. Pray more. Live more.

Shut Up and Listen - A Sports Take by Deon Carson

When Did We Start Caring?
How our current NBA media and fan base is making more excuses than ever for its players

Since when did you care? At what point did you begin to care about athletes being tired?

At what point did “Super Teams” become bad? Since when did injuries count against the team

that won? I can assure you that historically you never cared about any of these things, not one

time in the history of sports.

Oh, you don’t believe me? The Showtime Lakers were a super team. Bird's Celtics were a Super Team. Zeke and the Pistons tried to build a super team when he asked management to acquire Adrian Dantley after he led the NBA in scoring. When Boston traded for Ray Allen and KG the media called them the Big 3, but they were, however short lived, a super team. The thing is they were never called a super team even though they pretty much had the odds in their favor to make it to the finals every year. The term "super team" did not exist and furthermore it never mattered until the players took the reins in assembling them. It’s a made up term by a weak media and it’s re-echoed by weak fans.

So now injuries “taint” championships? When did this become part of the narrative? In the 1983 NBA playoffs James Worthy injures his leg and misses the finals against the Sixers. Have we taken that into consideration when talking about that Philly team? No, we simply call it one of the best playoff runs in history. No caveat no excuses just credit for winning. In the 1988 NBA Finals Isiah Thomas hurts his ankle against the Lakers then proceeded to put on a historic performance before being rendered useless in the closeout game. Do we say yeah Magic has five but that fifth ring is tainted because Zeke got hurt? No, we simply call Magic a five-time NBA champ. No caveat or excuse just credit for winning. Championship 1989 Magic Johnson injures his hamstring vs the Pistons. Do we say Zeke has 1.5 rings because that one is tainted? No, we say Bad Boys Back to Back champs. No caveat or excuse just credit for winning.

During the 1991 NBA finals both Worthy and Scott were injured vs the Bulls. Do we say yeah Mike has six rings but he was lucky on that first one? No, we say Mike is 6 for 6 in NBA finals case closed. No caveat or excuse just credit for winning. In the 2003 playoffs the San Antonio Spurs got breaks against two separate teams. Against Dallas Dirk got hurt in game 3 and missed the rest of the series and against Phoenix Joe Johnson misses the series with an eye injury (not to mention the

suspensions). Neither series was a gimme, but do we say yeah Timmy has five rings but in 2003

he got lucky? No, we simply call him a five-time NBA champion. No caveat or excuse just credit for winning.

And let’s not forget this season Boston without Kyrie and Gordon take Cleveland to game 7 of the ECF. Do we say LeBron made it to 8 straight finals but hey he’s lucky on the 8th one? No, we say LeBron James has made it to 8 straight NBA finals that is an amazing feat. No caveats or excuses just credit for the feat.

Injuries have never tainted a championship. That is a new narrative; a weak excuse from weak fans and an even weaker media. These new rules and caveats make the fans look weaker than ever, and I truly believe it makes the athletes weak too. Now the players have the gall to use the same lame excuses that you fans use. They tweet them, they even spew them in interviews and it’s your fault. You’ve made them weak, you are messing up the game. You are disregarding logical debate with your circular reasoning. Thanks zealots have a nice day. No not really.

Not Cool

#BaxtersBuzz

I don't want to spend much time revising and reworking this. I want this to just flow. It is Thursday morning and I feel the best that I've felt all week. The most coherent.

On Sunday, while at tennis, Zara had a meltdown. Something that was very unlike her. She was dejected and confidence was leaking from her pony tails, to the pink Nikes on her feet. Not my boisterous and self assured Zara. This girl had her head down and felt every mistake was the end of life as she knew it.
It was concerning because this was a repeat of last week at tennis. I was disturbed by the situation and unsure of how to resolve it. I immediately called the wife to share my concerns and brainstorm a solution. Bryce, our two year old commands a lot of attention. A LOT. Is this diminishing our focus? Has Zara been neglected in some way as we work on getting Brycie to use more words and to stop destroying our house? Have we been too hard on her and not allowed her to be a child? Is our tolerance too low for her (newly five!) five year old behavior? Are we expecting her to give us a break because we feel that our bandwidth has reached its limit? Do we have a realistic set of expectations when it comes to raising two small children? Are we making enough sacrifices?

When wifey is talking to me and I'm laughing at a thread on Twitter....not cool, right? Maybe she rolls her eyes, but doesn't get upset because she did the same thing to me earlier. Or maybe she has gotten used to getting only part of my attention. But there's a moment where I've chosen to put some strangers and their comments above my wife's words and she can feel it. She can tell that I'm not completely present. How do my children feel when I'm only partially listening to them? How does my extremely observant daughter interpret my absence? If my family is truly the most important thing in my life, why aren't my actions aligning with my feelings? How do I feel when I don't have someone's undivided attention? Not cool.

On Sunday I decided that I'd be taking myself away from social media for the week. I wanted to ensure that I was more mentally present at home and my hope was that my mind would be less full of clutter. I owe it to my family. I've prayed so long for them, so why do I take them for granted at times??

Kanye West has tens of millions of people following his every move and providing feedback. How many people are truly invested in me and my loved ones? What deserves more of my attention? If I only had 24 hours to live, how much of that time would I dedicate to my family versus social media? As I mark off my proverbial checklist after each day, what do I want to see? I can't imagine social media being anywhere towards the top of that list.

Read more. Write more. Love more. Pray more. Live more.

Facts

#BaxtersBuzz

Friends With New Benefits - The strangest thing happened as I wrote and worked through some issues inside my brain last week: I broke up with some of my friends. Well, it's more like we were dating and then I put them in the "friend zone".  Time is valuable and as our children get older, they meet friends at daycare and even more friends once they get to school. Next thing you know, you go from coordinating events with your old friends, to planning things with the parents of your children's friends! This is not a problem specific to you or me. This is happening all over the country. Parents are becoming more selective with who they invite to parties and many "old" friends are getting left out. A few Fridays ago, I was out with a few of my old friends. My one friend was having a birthday party for his child the following day and he hadn't invited any of us who he was hanging out with (potentially very awkward, right?). Indirectly, we found out that night and it got a little awkward (see, I told you). We didn't make the cut. Plain and simple. Things evolve and we need to be honest with ourselves and honest with the people that we care about. Even if they're not on the short list of invitees anymore. There's still memories to make and fun times to share. Just in a different capacity.

April at the Halls - April will be jam packed. Both Zara and Bryce will have birthdays...and somewhere in there I'll quietly celebrate a birthday too. I'm always so focused on wifey's plans for the children, that I forget that none of this would be possible had I not been born first! Facts. LOL

Areas of Improvement - Work is getting busier, which I like. My efficiency will play a huge role in whether I hit the type of sales numbers that I'm striving for. A schedule for each day, setting aside time for administrative tasks as well as more revenue generating activities. I believe God has me in this role in order for me to strengthen my weakness in organization, while helping the entire department run better. The ideas, I have. The execution is the area for improvement.

Bouncing Off The Walls - I'm such a dork. I'm listening to A Cappella versions of Michael Jackson songs. Let me just say this regarding Michael Jackson: Off The Wall is a superior album to Thriller. The songs are stronger (besides Girlfriend, which I can completely do without) and it was his most important album. Michael was now with Epic Records, and the thought was that the former child star's ship had already sailed. His last solo album with Motown Records, released in 1975 called Forever Michael, did not do well to say the least(why else do you think Motown let him go?).
Off The Wall was his first album with Epic when everyone was ready to write his career off. Can you imagine being called a "has been" at 16 years old?
Needless to say, he knocked it out the park and became an adult artist to be reckoned with his 1979 release Off The Wall. His next album, Thriller released in 1982, became the world's largest selling album of all time in just over a year after its release. Thriller was amazing, yes. But there's no Thriller without Off The Wall. And song for song, it's a better project! Facts.

Back to You - What stage are you in now? An up and coming talent, trying to find your way? A star in your own right, enjoying your success in your field? Or are you currently slumping and letting doubt settle in? It's time for you to lock in, concentrate and work on your Off The Wall. Bounce back and prove it to yourself that you belong. Whether you believe that you can be great or that you have no chance at greatness...you're right.

Read more. Write more. Love more. Pray more. Live more.