A Change Is Gonna Come

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Song of the day  - A Change Is Gonna Come by Sam Cooke.

The story goes that Cooke was inspired to write this song because of the racism that he experienced back in 1963. Cooke made reservations at a hotel for him and his wife, and band members. When he got there to check in,  they were told that there were no vacancies. He was livid and had some words for the staff there. When he was finally talked into leaving the establishment, they were arrested for disturbing the peace. The city was Shreveport, Louisiana. 

In 2019 (not a typo), the mayor of Shreveport formally apologized to Sam Cooke's family and posthumously gave him the key to the city.

It took them 56 years just to apologize (Chris Rock's voice)!

The amount of hateful acts and racism that has been captured on camera since this pandemic is maddening, only adding to the anxiety and depression that many are feeling since covid-19 has hit the scene and changed the way most of us live.

Some of my friends and I have started to do something. We are recording our conversations to hopefully provide a perspective that isn't unique necessarily, but one that the people who will watch it have yet to hear. I pray that people have their own conversations around it and come up with a plan for how to positively impact this society. 

We all have people on our social media, with a lot of opinions. Poking holes in what others are doing, but don't seem to be doing a damn thing themselves. Don't seem to be interested in any action. Just criticism. If we have the same goal in mind, we can get there in different ways, but you have to be moving towards something for me to engage in a conversation. Folks regurgitating some old, stale, talking points that they've heard, but haven't researched are not my type of folks.

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Don't You Worry About A Thing

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Song of the day - Don't You Worry About A Thing by Stevie

 

As the morning of January 1, 2020 was ending, I was ready to make myself a new year Playlist and start the year off right. There were a number of songs that I felt were appropriate. I was listening to a lot of Wale lately, Maze is never too far away. Rick James. A little Bobby Brown. And the greatest of all time, Mr. Stevie Wonder. Now, what is the first song that I'll play for the first day of the new decade? As my eyes surveyed the choices in my newly formed list, Stevie jumped out of the cell phone. Don't You Worry About A Thing felt like words to begin each day of your life. On October 12, of 2020, who would have guessed what this year would bring and the new "worries" that have surfaced?

We decided to send Bryce back to the pre-k program at his old daycare. The same one that had Zara reading and writing before starting kindergarten. With him missing out on seven months of socialization and any formal curriculum, we made the tough decision to send him back. We know how privileged we are to be allowed to make that call on our own. Condolences to all of the folks who've lost loved ones from covid. 

Raising children isn't easy. There's so many mistakes. So many things to worry about. One of the things that I am very sensitive to is raising black children in this world. And I am especially sensitive to what my son will face as a black man. God willing, we all survive this pandemic and things get back to normal. Let's say Bryce enters kindergarten not fully prepared. Socially or academically. Do I believe he'll get the benefit of the doubt. Absolutely not. I will do my best to ensure that he's prepared and putting his best foot forward. 

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5.12.20 Song of the Day

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Song of the Day - "All I Do" by Stevie Wonder. Pound for pound, Stevie may be the greatest artist of all time. Songwriter and performer who introduced new sounds to our world. Stevie has an appropriate song for every mood imaginable. This has nothing to do with him being born in Michigan either!  As I was playing some music the other day, Zara asked me to add this to her playlist. Realizing that she technically didn't have her own playlist, I went to work and started to create one. Growing up, we had an 8-Track cassette player. We had Michael Jackson's Off The Wall and Songs in the Key of Life by Stevie Wonder. That was it! The closest thing we had to a playlist was the radio LOL.  My daughter asked me to put the blue-tooth speaker in the bathroom while she took a bath the other day. I had to listen to Stevie in the living room! Regardless of the way the music is played, good music still remains. Wishing everyone a wonderful day.

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Untitled 5.11.2020

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We should have known that after our Mother's Day miracle, that the rest of the day would be a challenge. Bryce woke up around 5am and in his mind, he was up for the day. He pointed out that the sun was coming out and he wasn't sleepy anymore. I tried to explain to my 4 year that it was Mother's Day and it was very important that he got his rest and let mommy get hers. He (eventually) went back to sleep and stayed asleep until close to 10am. I'm not sure what happens in your house, but we're excited to have kids sleep until 8. Bryce proceeded to give us hell the rest of the day...but he did allow us to sleep in. Thanks Bryce LOL

Song of the Day - Untitled 05|09.21.2014 by Kendrick Lamar. The frustration that Kendrick does such a great job tapping into has been one of his calling cards. Kendrick seems to be working through a lot of things and shares with us his unfinished thoughts. "See I'm living with anxiety, ducking the sobriety" is a simple line, but is very telling. There have been many days during this quarantine that I am looking forward to turning on my music once my work day was over, and pouring myself a drink. If I'm being honest, it didn't start since I've been stuck in the house though. There are times that the only solution that I can think of is to temporarily separate from whatever monkey is on my back.  This is why I write. So that I can feel connected to the thoughts that I attempt to suppress. It can be difficult to face, but it is healthy. After that drink, smoke, or whatever you do to duck your sobriety, you still have to look in the mirror and deal with you. Don't let your extracurricular activities become a crutch.

Crucial Conversations - There are times when we allow someone's words or actions to ruin our mood. This may extend for a day or even longer. Why don't we express our feelings to those people in a manner that inspires them to change? Why does it have to be confrontational, passive aggressive, or withdrawal so often? I have an important meeting today with my boss and I have been dreading it! I've been conflicted about how to address a problem that I have. As I write this, I realize what I must do. And it should be applied to anyone that you have a relationship with. Explain to them how their actions make you feel. Start there and allow them an opportunity to respond. The hope is that a respectful and productive conversation can come from it. This won't always be the case, but acting  solely out of  emotion is typically not going to produce the best results. I don't have an issue with displaying composure, but when I feel like my respectful and composed approach isn't be heard that's when my frustration sets in.

Talking VS. Communicating - Communication isn't how composed you are though. It isn't how well you articulate your thoughts. It isn't even the words that you use. It is how you convey your messages to your audience at the time. Always start with composure and try to remain there, but don't be afraid to show emotion. As long as you're be respectful and getting across the message that you want to communicate. Or what good is it? There's an argument to be made that that occasionally (that doesn't mean ALL the time) you need to step outside of yourself to let folks know you're not to be abused. You're nobody's punching bag or doormat. How well you're able to communicate will play a large part in what your future looks like.

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Mama's Gun (Time's A Wastin)

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As I sit here deciding what to write. My brain tells me, "Just go!" This is the morning of Mother's Day and we are still under quarantine. I'm thinking back to last night and the Erykah Badu and Jill Scott battle.... as I battle allergy season, a newfound (not really new) anxiety, and the weight of this work/home balance. The more confident I become in my role at work, the less comfortable it seems to make others. We're all technically in the same boat, but definitely rowing in different directions. I am not above criticism though. My ego starts to flare up and I believe in my direction and doubt others and their plans for the company's future. Then I realize that I have some important decisions to make about my future.

Song of the Day - "Time's A Wasting" by Erykah Badu. On Mother's Day, it makes sense to select a song from Badu's second studio project, Mama's Gun. She warns that, "time's wasting. Don't you take your time young man. Keep on drifting ain't no telling where you'll land." If my mother was alive when I reached my twenties, I imagine her sharing similar sentiments with me. This album was released at the end of 2000 while I was on the heels of 21 and wondering what was next for me. I tried to convince some of my friends to move out of the country. They looked at me like I was crazy! LOL. I was unsettled and I felt like nothing was really keeping me near home. Part of me wishes that I would have taken my chance out on my own and went to Paris (not sure why that was my choice but that would've been dope!). I settled on a few hours west, to Kalamazoo, Michigan.

Wifey - As I think about foundations, nobody has provided a stronger one for me than my wife. Some of the un-calculated risks that I surely would have taken if she wasn't in the picture, I avoided (whew!). Although I still feel a bit unsettled on occasion, I am so thankful for her and our kids for keeping me grounded in reality. We're figuring out this shit on the fly, and I can't think of anyone I'd rather be experiencing this crazy life with. Love you Mae!

Queens - A special shout out to the women who have played motherly roles in my life at one time or another: All of my older sisters have always provided me with a place to lay my head, a home-cooked meal, and a safe place to vent about things. We share a father so there were private gripes of mine that nobody else knew about. My mother-in-law has always been in my corner and supportive as well. I love her dearly. There are others who have given me a piece of advice here or there, offered perspective, and instilled confidence when my well seemed dry. You never know who God has called to subtly redirect you. The last angel that I can think of (I'm sure there have been more) was a cashier from TJ Maxx back in 2017. I was at a real crossroads in my life and our 5 minute conversation while I was checking out helped me immensely! She was going through a tough time herself and as I offered words of advice, I realized that my issues weren't so bad.

Back to Wifey - Let me just say this: It wasn't a slam dunk that I would do anything very well when she met me. I had the potential, but so do many others. She loved me for me, because I didn't have much else to offer LOL. I think about that often and work to provide a lifestyle and environment that feels secure and settled for us all. Many of our new neighbors are where we aspire to be: They've already raised their children and now their grandchildren are the ages that our kids are now! Since this is our second financial crisis of our adult life, I'm not certain about the future. What I am certain of is that I will do my very best and with God's help we'll be alright.

Happy Mother's Day to all of the mothers in the world. And all of the women who are helping to shape the lives of those around them. Whether they know it or not.

#QuarantinedChaos

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The stress that comes with this quarantine is a lot. I am blessed to still have a job and I am grateful to not have more immediate needs at the moment. That doesn't take away from the fact that we have our own issues over here! I have hit another wall. The pressures of being a leader at home and at work, where someone needs something pretty much all day is exhausting. I know my wife is feeling a lot of the same pressure. It's just difficult to take a step back and regroup, in large part because we can't physically leave our homes. I relished my drive home from work each day. Those were my few minutes to let go of the work day, attempting to scrape my plate of anything that didn't deserve to make the trip home with me. Although difficult, I'm forcing myself to get up in the morning to have time for myself before "starting" my day. Time to organize my thoughts before we jump on this fire-spitting dragon called #QuarantinedChaos

Song of the Day - The Rain by The Dramatics. As I review the lyrics of this song, I realize that there aren't many. Three short verses, but they are heavy. The best way to describe this song is: The writer has some things weighing heavily on their mind. They are heartbroken. So much so, they'd rather go outside in the rain to cry than to talk to someone about how they are feeling. How well do you deal with your emotions? What do you do to cope?

Isn't She Lovely? - My baby girl just turned 7. In April of 2013, I started to change. I genuinely believe that my chemical makeup is different and it all started after seeing that little girl's face. When I think about Zara and Bryce, I think about keeping them safe at all costs. I think about not only providing advice that sounds like the right thing to do, but being an example. That means putting that advice into practice personally. Win, lose, or draw, I want to be able to say, "Well it did/didn't work out for me that particular time, but what is most important is the attempt that I made."

Vulnerability...A Superpower - I did not cry before my baby arrived. Period. And then Zara was born...boy, did I make up for lost time! My wife even makes fun of me about it because I've truly changed. My heart is more exposed and I'm more vulnerable. But this new vulnerability has actually made me stronger. I can be more transparent and not hide behind this laissez-fare facade all of the time. I am a much more well rounded person, and I'm not sure when/if that happens without the arrival of my children.

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Who's World Is This?

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I'm starting this week with an edge. Fussing at kids...I mean holding them accountable. They skate by at times, but wifey and I are getting better. More consistent. They absolutely need more attention from us, but that doesn't mean just more tickle monster chases (I'll admit, I enjoy that too). Many times it means doing what you say you're going to do. Whether it's following through, dealing with the negative consequences of their behavior, or taking them for that walk that you promised once you finished that 11am conference call. They need our consistent presence. No getting around it.

Song of the Day - "The World Is Yours" by Nas. It was one of the of his perfectly composed contributions to his classic album, Illmatic, released, on April 19, 1994. The production on this track was dark and airy, creating a juxtaposition between the title, and quite frankly, almost everything else about the song. The World Is Yours wasn't so much trying to communicate despair though. It was just taking you through the number of thoughts that a young black male may have on a given day.

He starts the song with, "I sip the Dom P, watchin' Gandhi 'til I'm charged, then writin' in my book of rhymes, all the words past the margin". Imagine an 18 year old sipping champagne and watching Gandhi. That provides quite the visual, right? But it inspires him to write. So much so that he writes, "all the words past the margin". As a creative thinker, you never know what will inspire a thought. Nas talks about being "caught in the devil's lasso" and how a black cloud over him is making it too dark for him to see tomorrow. If people took the time to pay attention, they would realize that there are many people who feel a sense of hopelessness in their present circumstances. That was prior to this coronavirus outbreak...but even more so now.

But I Called You Last Time - We all FEEL, but maybe have a tough time trying to articulate those feelings. The stress of what's happening in our world doesn't always inspire us to create. Most of time, it weighs on us, telling us to stop whatever we're doing and not push ahead. It tells us to isolate. To lash out at our loved ones. It may even tell us to harm others and even ourselves.
Check on your folks that you haven't heard from. Even if you were the last one to reach out (I know, it gets annoying but now isn't the time to keep score). The world can be cold, but life is amazing! If you're reading this right now, YOU have the opportunity to change someone's day for the better. You have an opportunity to be the friend that you've always wanted to have. You have the opportunity to put your ego aside and collaborate with a group in order to achieve results that you wouldn't be able to achieve alone. What would you like to see more of in the world? Great, now go and contribute those things!

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Another Trip Around the Sun

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So today is my birthday and shit. I made another trip around the sun!

Today was a day of reflection. I wanted to post around mid-morning, but I wasn't done processing this thought. And as I try to enjoy the day, I can't help but reflect on my past. Today I turned 39 years old. I feel pretty good, especially considering that I haven't had the best week of sleep. As a matter of fact, this has gone on for 3-4 weeks if we’re being honest.

Song of the Day - FEEL by Kendrick Lamar. Almost three years ago to the day, Kendrick Lamar dropped his last studio project. One of the songs that always stirred up so many emotions for me was this one. He raps, " I feel like friends been overrated. I feel like the family been fakin. I feel like the feelings are changing." He's clearly trying to process these feelings of resentment, betrayal, and abandonment. Or maybe that's me projecting how I feel? Hmmm…

Looking For Inspiration - I was honored to have three different people who I admire, tell me they wanted to do some type of creative project with me. These were completely unrelated and unsolicited. It was super flattering! I think there's an energy… a momentum that is building. I can almost taste it! I've tossed and turned for months, trying to shake off fears and avoiding any thoughts of what happens the day AFTER tomorrow. “Tomorrow I have a, b, and c to do.” I can put my head down and lock in. “Sorry! Too busy to think about anything past today and tomorrow.” It’s easier that way. If we continue like that, we’ll be on our death bed, regretting that we didn’t do more with the time we had. I think we're all itching to be great and waiting for an excuse to pursue it. Do we have something that we're passionate enough about to push through the monotonous, unexciting part of the journey? That is the million-dollar question! What if I can help move the needle for someone and help spark that inspiration for them? What if they can do the same for me?

Realigning Your Tribe - One of the books that I'm reading is called "Relational Intelligence" by Dr. Dharius Daniels. He talks about the different types of relationships that we have. Friends, associates, or advisers to name a few. He argues that many times when we're disappointed with someone it is because we have them in the wrong category, and therefore, have expectations that are unfair to you and to that other person. As I began reading the book, I kept thinking about different people from MY past and present. Focusing on what roles these people are playing in my life versus what I may be expecting. All real and legitimate things. But as I made my way through the book, I started to think about what role I was playing in other people’s lives. Some, who seemed to remove me from certain positions and changed their expectations of me. It started to become clear: What I was learning about having the right people in the right positions in my life, some of my people had already learned that lesson. It's (typically) not personal. It’s just shedding your old skin before starting your new journey. If we're picking teams in basketball, everyone can't make it. I imagine that if it went from a basketball game to say, a debating competition, the order of selection may have changed and others may not make the cut

Know Your Role - We're not chosen to run every leg of someone else's race. We may be there to pop things off and then pass the baton. Hell, we may only be there to nurse someone back to health when they're injured and not be part of the actual "race" at all. Every skinned knee, broken heart, and tear drop has a story. When you think about it, it’s humbling to be even a small part of someone’s journey. I'm blessed that many of my friends and I still stay in touch. We talk about the old times, cracking jokes and teasing one another. But other times we're talking about our children, spouses, and offering encouragement. It all depends on the particular friend and what they bring to your life currently. That will determine whether you talk about that summer of 2001 or plan for 2021.

Thanks for reading. Please comment and share with others who may appreciate it.

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Easter Weekend and Coronavirus

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Happy Easter! All the days seem to be running together with birthdays and the Easter holiday. Wifey has done such a great job of tying things together. She made sure there were gifts for Bryce's special day. Things are already ordered for Zara's birthday (later this month) and these spoiled little things actually had Easter baskets! Oh yeah, my birthday is in April too, just to add to the dynamic.

Song of the Day -  'I Wonder' by Kanye West. The wife and I were engaged, sharing one car, and living in Lansing, Michigan at this time. Kanye's Graduation album was the soundtrack to my life that year. I "wonder" a lot in general. I ponder. Mostly looking ahead though (suppression of memories is my thing) and rarely backward. Back in 2007-2008, I wondered what would be next for my soon to be wife and I. Wondered how the f I got to Lansing. And I always, and still do wonder what is next for me and the way I provide for the family. Not exactly sure what the future holds, but I know that this blog needs to be a part of my life! Selfishly, I need to document these thoughts to help me process all of the emotions, thoughts, and ideas. The journaling is therapeutic. The hope is to sleep better! I'm  also choosing to share these things, with the hope of inspiring some of you.

You Gon Hurt Your Back - I'm a decent person with a large number (huge number!) of blind spots. Blind spots, meaning, things that I'm not interested in/or aware that others are interested in. Or just flat out ignorant to.  I am so thankful that my wife keeps an eye on things that are hardly ever on my radar. She adds so much "regular people" shit to my life. Most things don't seem like a big deal to me because I didn't experience them. And if there was any disappointment from the past, I tucked it away and kept it moving.

Defense Mechanisms - That's how I've handled most of the things in my life. It helped me growing up. The suppression. The compartmentalization. I'm sure it kept me from losing my mind as a young person, asking questions that either couldn't be answered or answered with harsh truths that I probably wasn't prepared for. I think about many of my friends and the baggage that we carry. God bless the partners and spouses who love us for us. Baggage and all. If you don't think you have baggage, think again. It's not about who has the most, it's about being empathetic and accepting of your partner's weaknesses. If someone is putting up with your crap, try to be more accepting of theirs.

No Bad Energy - As Wifey talks to her father on the phone, I find myself being torn about how to deal with him. Have you ever found out that someone has a problem with you through... someone else!? Last time I spoke with him, I was thanking him for allowing the kids and I to take the hour trip and visit him. I was killing two birds: Giving my wife a break from us and letting the kids see their PaPa (and vice versa). The rest of the story isn't important, but I thought we had a decent day. Come to find out, he did not see it that way after I left. I'm not in the business of forcing people to share with me. I used to be in that business, but with a few folks that I deeply care for. I learned (the hard way) that either people will care enough about you to share any problems they have with you or they won't. I have plenty of things to be thankful for and plenty of relationships to develop. I can't give much energy to bullshit. I'm ALWAYS open to a conversation, but I'm not playing mind reader.

Grateful - During this pandemic, I have been a little embarrassed by our privilege. We're in such a better position than most, that I feel bad for complaining about certain things right now. That's not to say that we don't have issues, but in the grand scheme of things, life is pretty good. Wifey and I are still working and it looks like we both are in decent shape with our employers. But these kids....they are running us into the ground! Our children spend a lot of time with us generally, but this is different. They need what they need and there's nobody to blame, but I know there's more that I can be doing. Many times, it points to more organization from me. A better plan of attack for each day. But as Mike Tyson once said, "Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the face." and that's how most days feel LOL.

Health is Wealth - This covid-19 is the scariest shit imaginable. I'm praying for the entire world's healing and I hope folks are staying home and taking this seriously. To the essential workers, thank you! This is like a bad, scariest ass movie. My heart goes out to all of those who have lost loved ones to this.

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