Advantages of Having a Baby

16 weeks ago my wife and I had a baby girl. This is the most awesome feeling IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. Soon I'll blog about that whole experience, but for now I'm sharing a list of advantages of having a baby.

1.  Taking weird family photos - I took the most awkward picture since I was in elementary school (I used to take every picture with my mouth open forever. Wish one of the photographers would have given me a heads up) with my wife and my newborn baby, posted it on Facebook and I only heard one comment about how bad the picture was (you know who you are).

2.  Bad grammar - I'm not sure why "baby talk" was invented, but I'm pretty sure it's one of the worst inventions this side of the shake weight. "Wook at da wittle baby." Seriously? Who talks like that?? And then they wonder why their baby talks like Elmer Fud. Talk to them like regular people.....because they are regular people. They're just little.

3.  Passive aggressiveness - Have you ever talked to your significant other through your baby? It's one of the quickest way to start an argument...Trust me. "So daddy was just gonna leave you poopy until I came back, huh?" What did you and mommy do all day? The house looks the same as when I left for work today." Even though you can do it, I'd advise against it.

4.  Blame farts on the baby - Infants have some of the loudest farts around. Conceivably (pardon the pun), you could pass gas as loud as you possibly could and blame it on the baby. And depending on how gullible they are, your spouse could actually go for it. I wish you the best of luck with that one.

5.  Leave engagements early (or get out of plans altogether) - Children are unpredictable. They get fussy, sick, and your plans can unravel quickly. Anyone who has kids are typically more understanding if you change plans suddenly or need to cancel. And if the people you are cancelling with DON'T have kids, you can believe that somebody with children will attempt to explain (and justify) your sudden change of plans. And if you are already at an event, you are one baby meltdown from excusing yourself and skating home early. Nobody wants a crying baby ruining the mood of a good party or gathering. They'll be glad to see you walk out of that door.

Shout out to K-Dubb for helping me with this list.