Baxter's Buzz
Sports is my reality TV. It helps me get through whatever I'm going through and takes my mind off of real things going on in my life. Those millionaires playing a game is pretty silly, don't you think? As I've gotten older, I haven't taken sports as seriously. I still love my local teams but perspective is a beautiful thing. Like today for instance, the Detroit "Stinkin".Lions loss another winnable game. Do you know how many times I've seen that shit? But I was able to spend the rest of my evening with my lovely wife and my baby girl. How can I be mad about millionaires playing a game when I'm watching my first born be the cutest baby on the planet? Slightly annoyed? Oh, for sure, but nothing more....well, most of the time.
Basketball has been so therapeutic for me over the years. When I was a teenager, thinking the world was going to end because of a girl, I was able to go to the park and let off some steam. I've been playing basketball again recently and it has helped me through some pretty tough times. There's nothing like playing a game you love. I had been away from the game for too long and I didn't always have the proper outlet for my competitive juices. Sometimes you have that pent up aggression with nowhere to direct it. I now feel more balanced.
There's enough seriousness in the world, and we're all big kids so sports brings our attention to something that isn't work or family. Just a little trash talking and an opportunity to enjoy teamwork at its finest (when you're winning).
As my friend and I walked out of the gym today, we asked another guy that we've been playing with if there was something wrong. He didn't seem like himself and he finally admitted that he had just attended his cousin's funeral yesterday. Then he said, "I came to the gym to get away from it and my mind off of things." It feels good to know that it isn't just me who can find peace, if only temporary, on the basketball court.
Sunday, November 17, 2013
Sunday, November 10, 2013
If I Could Go Back In Time
Baxter's Buzz
"Are you going to invite him to the party?" My wife asked me today. My reply was simply, "No."
She asked me was I done with him, but he's been done with me for quite some time. I try to put myself in the shoes of others and attempt to see things how they may be seeing them. Sometimes I am so rational, that it is difficult for me to get upset at others because I understand that we are all imperfect. I want to be mad and blame people for things that have happened to me, but most of the time I can't. And honestly, sometimes, it bugs the hell out of me!
I want to be mad because I've been a loyal friend to anyone I've ever called a friend and that hasn't always been reciprocated. I want to be mad because I've always been accessible and I can't even get certain people to answer their phone when I call. I want to be mad because some folks get amnesia when it comes to those who were there for them when they were going through issues. The have a selective memory and remember your shortcomings but they are afraid of a mirror.
I've gone through all sorts of ups and downs over the past couple of years and I would've liked to share those things with the people I've always shared moments with. I'm not afraid of a mirror. I don't always like what I see, but I never fool myself into thinking the truth is anything other than just that.
I wish I could go back in time and talk to my family, on my mother's and father's side and explain to them how important it is for me to stay connected once my mother passed. I wish I could tell them to share stories with me about her so that her memory would live on. I wish I could tell them to not be so effin selfish and to make time for me. Come and get me during the holidays to visit my mom's side of the family. I'd tell them that not talking about issues doesn't make them go away. Maybe they should've taken me to therapy. Maybe they could've just been present in my life.
But everyone had their own lives to deal with, right? Maybe they didn't know what to say to an eight year old whose life was turning upside down. And maybe instead of trying to work through those challenges, they decided to not even try. So as I look at my 6 month old daughter and think about the stories that I'll share with her, there will be many questions that she'll ask that I won't be able to answer. I hope that I'll be able to fill in some of those blanks between now and then. I want to rid myself of any resentment and continue to seek out family members to not only get some answers, but to reconnect. I cannot repeat their lack of effort on my behalf. I am now doing this for my family so my daughter will have a sense of her history.
If I could go back in time and talk to my family, I'd share my disappointment with their lack of a plan. I'd explain that taking someone's history is one of the worst things you can do to them. I'd then tell them that I'll become a winner and productive member of society, with or without their support, but I'd choose the former ten out of ten times. God has blessed me with strength, determination and a drive to succeed, against all odds. The friends that I no longer speak to were at one time, shoulders that I could lean on, taking the place of the family I never got a chance to learn and grow up with.
So that's why it's difficult for me to get upset. All of my experiences, good and bad, has gotten me to this place. And although my life is far from perfect, the challenges that I've faced has given me the confidence to know that I can overcome all sorts of obstacles. So instead of going back to chastise family members for their lack or interest or effort, I'd go and talk to myself. I'd tell myself to ask questions. To demand to see my family and to not take no for an answer. I'd try to explain to my eight year old brain that sometimes you're a better friend to others than they are to you, and that's okay. I'd tell myself that all people aren't meant to be in your life forever. So take the memories you've shared and the lessons you've learned while with them and consider yourself blessed to have had them in your life.
"Are you going to invite him to the party?" My wife asked me today. My reply was simply, "No."
She asked me was I done with him, but he's been done with me for quite some time. I try to put myself in the shoes of others and attempt to see things how they may be seeing them. Sometimes I am so rational, that it is difficult for me to get upset at others because I understand that we are all imperfect. I want to be mad and blame people for things that have happened to me, but most of the time I can't. And honestly, sometimes, it bugs the hell out of me!
I want to be mad because I've been a loyal friend to anyone I've ever called a friend and that hasn't always been reciprocated. I want to be mad because I've always been accessible and I can't even get certain people to answer their phone when I call. I want to be mad because some folks get amnesia when it comes to those who were there for them when they were going through issues. The have a selective memory and remember your shortcomings but they are afraid of a mirror.
I've gone through all sorts of ups and downs over the past couple of years and I would've liked to share those things with the people I've always shared moments with. I'm not afraid of a mirror. I don't always like what I see, but I never fool myself into thinking the truth is anything other than just that.
I wish I could go back in time and talk to my family, on my mother's and father's side and explain to them how important it is for me to stay connected once my mother passed. I wish I could tell them to share stories with me about her so that her memory would live on. I wish I could tell them to not be so effin selfish and to make time for me. Come and get me during the holidays to visit my mom's side of the family. I'd tell them that not talking about issues doesn't make them go away. Maybe they should've taken me to therapy. Maybe they could've just been present in my life.
But everyone had their own lives to deal with, right? Maybe they didn't know what to say to an eight year old whose life was turning upside down. And maybe instead of trying to work through those challenges, they decided to not even try. So as I look at my 6 month old daughter and think about the stories that I'll share with her, there will be many questions that she'll ask that I won't be able to answer. I hope that I'll be able to fill in some of those blanks between now and then. I want to rid myself of any resentment and continue to seek out family members to not only get some answers, but to reconnect. I cannot repeat their lack of effort on my behalf. I am now doing this for my family so my daughter will have a sense of her history.
If I could go back in time and talk to my family, I'd share my disappointment with their lack of a plan. I'd explain that taking someone's history is one of the worst things you can do to them. I'd then tell them that I'll become a winner and productive member of society, with or without their support, but I'd choose the former ten out of ten times. God has blessed me with strength, determination and a drive to succeed, against all odds. The friends that I no longer speak to were at one time, shoulders that I could lean on, taking the place of the family I never got a chance to learn and grow up with.
So that's why it's difficult for me to get upset. All of my experiences, good and bad, has gotten me to this place. And although my life is far from perfect, the challenges that I've faced has given me the confidence to know that I can overcome all sorts of obstacles. So instead of going back to chastise family members for their lack or interest or effort, I'd go and talk to myself. I'd tell myself to ask questions. To demand to see my family and to not take no for an answer. I'd try to explain to my eight year old brain that sometimes you're a better friend to others than they are to you, and that's okay. I'd tell myself that all people aren't meant to be in your life forever. So take the memories you've shared and the lessons you've learned while with them and consider yourself blessed to have had them in your life.
Friday, November 8, 2013
Only Love
Baxter's Buzz
Life takes some interesting turns. Looking back as I approach my 2 year anniversary at my latest job, I can clearly say that change is the only certainty in this world. I'm telling you, unpredictability, is a friend we better get acquainted with. He ain't going anywhere!
I've lost touch with two of my closest friends. Two people who know more about me than most, I've had minimum contact with recently. How does one explain something like that? No drama. No big blow up or argument. Sometimes, people grow apart and there is no clear-cut explanation. #Shrug
I've also made some friends in this same time-frame. And I've grown closer to some family recently. I also met the sweetest little girl in the world when my daughter was born. I am saddened by the change of events, but I rarely get a chance to think about it. My life is full, for sure. The past is what has shaped me, but I do not live there. I wonder what these next 12 months will bring. My plan is continue to spend time with those I care about. And let them know how special they are to me. No room in my heart for resentment, only love.
Life takes some interesting turns. Looking back as I approach my 2 year anniversary at my latest job, I can clearly say that change is the only certainty in this world. I'm telling you, unpredictability, is a friend we better get acquainted with. He ain't going anywhere!
I've lost touch with two of my closest friends. Two people who know more about me than most, I've had minimum contact with recently. How does one explain something like that? No drama. No big blow up or argument. Sometimes, people grow apart and there is no clear-cut explanation. #Shrug
I've also made some friends in this same time-frame. And I've grown closer to some family recently. I also met the sweetest little girl in the world when my daughter was born. I am saddened by the change of events, but I rarely get a chance to think about it. My life is full, for sure. The past is what has shaped me, but I do not live there. I wonder what these next 12 months will bring. My plan is continue to spend time with those I care about. And let them know how special they are to me. No room in my heart for resentment, only love.
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