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Monday, August 8 2016

#BaxtersBuzz

I have decided to do more writing than reading (at the moment anyway). Trying to organize these thoughts while they allow me. My thoughts can be fleeting, but recently they've allowed me to jot a few down. My hope is that as I work through my latest life transitions, I can help someone else through theirs.

I had an interesting day. I inquired about an internal job posting. It sounds like a potential awesome move for me, but then there's a conversation that you have to have with your direct manager prior to officially applying for something else. I'm sure my boss wasn't surprised that I investigated, but it's also an implication that you're not 100% satisfied with your current role. It's a move that I'll pursue because we all need to do what's best for us. Nobody's going to check to ensure you're taken care of! 

When you're looking for an internal job, you can do some research on the manager if you don't know them personally, and attempt to get a feel for their style. It allows you to choose your manager essentially. Many times, bosses are like family: You can't choose them. You get what you get and don't get upset (sorry, I have a 3 year old in my house) It can be the determining factor in your success in that role. 

I am simple in my expectations (just don't ask my wife). My problem is most people are not. I want someone to speak plainly to me and be direct. Simple, right? Not so fast, my friend! I'd be better off looking for a supervisor who talks in circles, provides canned answers (whether they apply to the situation or not), and shows a complete ignorance and lack of empathy for your personal situation. They throw a 'one size fits all' blanket over all issues and hope their shallow responses aren't questioned. 

The description above isn't exclusive to coworkers. We're all so self-centered, even when we want to be genuinely interested, we're too busy taking someone else's situation and telling them how we're going through the same thing! Waiting our turn to speak instead of truly listening. If more people were honest, there would be less lines to read between and less passive aggressiveness. Maybe a few more hurt feelings early on, but less stress because we could take people at their word instead of trying to figure out what they meant! We spend too many damn hours in meetings to only be more confused than we were prior to the meeting. 

I was at Chase Bank a few weeks ago and there was a woman that had a plaque saying "25 years of service." So she's been working at the same company since I was 10 years old. Crazy when you think of it. Crazier when I think about how many jobs I've had since I turned 18. Companies are laying folks off left and right, employees aren't staying at jobs very long and the economy doesn't feel very stable. What a combination! There are folks making good money in many fields and there's never been more opportunities to go into business for yourself. I believe more collaboration between young and old would do us all some good. Mentors are hard to find. And a good mentor is an endangered species!

Read more. Write more. Love more. Pray more. Live more.

Monday, July 25, 2016

What's Your Platform?

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I am long past due to have a post. I'm actually embarrassed. There's like 15 people (inflated number, I know!) who read my blog, but for some reason I get concerned about offending my political connects. I don't even have any yet!! LOL I am not here to intentionally hurt anyone. I have a perspective that I'd like to share, just like anyone who posts. There are plenty of fools out there sharing their (misinformed) views any chance they get. It's about time that I raise my hand and speak up. 

I was in a conversation with a friend of mine, discussing the responsibility, if any, that LeBron James and other celebrities have to speak on social matters. Their platform is huge and I believe celebrities have the ability to shape the narrative and bring awareness to issues that their fan base may not be adequately informed on. Do they have to? Should they speak up? In my opinion, they have the right to do as much or as little as they want. Another important question is what are we as "non celebrities" doing to bring awareness to our circle of influence?

The issues of racism, classism, and overall social injustice affects us all and dialogue is needed on every level. Whether it's Jesse Williams on the BET Awards or my friends and I at a picnic, dialogue is essential to understanding. Understanding is essential to developing a plan to correct our issues. Acknowledgment is the first step. That's a step that many Americans still need to get to.

We need to stop putting one another in boxes and remember that we're all humans. Right is right and wrong is wrong, regardless of a person's credit history, criminal record or ethnic background. So as a human, I will share my voice with those who appreciate it. My voice is needed (Thanks Unc), not because I'm some superstar athlete, but because I have something to say and there are plenty of people who feel like I do but are waiting for someone like me to articulate it. Well, here I am. This is an important time in our history and I want to not only document my experiences and perspective, I pray that these words will initiate some much needed dialogue between groups of people who don't know enough about the other.

Read more. Write more. Love more. Pray more. Live more.

ThrowBack Thursday (Originally Posted on May 31, 2010)

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Go and out and see the world! That would be my advice, though I have yet to follow it. I've never done much traveling. My Dad never took me out of town and never promised to do so. I didn't think much of it. He was in his mid 40's when I was born, so he'd done much of his traveling. He was in the Army, serving in the Korean War, and being stationed in multiple locations during his time.

I was always surprised when my friends would be traveling. They'd say, "We're going to Florida." I'd be like, "Really!?" I would just stay around town and think nothing of it. Sure, my Dad would take me up north to Baldwin, MI. I'd go visit my family in Ohio. And that was pretty much it. This "not traveling" stuff is going to end this stinkin' year!

I believe exposing children to different things early gives opens their eyes to the possibilities of the world. Whether it's traveling, volunteering time, or talking about expectations at dinner , children who are able to experience that see things through a different set of eyes. I'm 29 years old and have learned things this year that many teenagers have known since they were tykes. Typically, you can link certain experiences (or lack of experiences) to family income. There are exceptions. Overall, those with money are commonly exposed to more. Children who don't leave their surroundings, may not understand that there is so much more in the world. I was in Farmington Hills this past weekend watching my 10 year old twin nephews play baseball. They were the only 2 black kids on their team. Heck, I think there were 4 total of the 4 teams playing. Exposure is what is most important. Resources and exposure are very important to the development of us all.

Meeting a person who's in a profession we'd like to pursue or seeing people from our neighborhood become a productive member of society breeds confidence and inspires. Maybe if young kids, especially from the inner cities, could turn on the television and see lawyers doctors, or engineers instead of athletes and musicians, there would be more children looking to emulate them. What does this all mean? I'm not sure. It all comes down to everyone doing their part by going out of their way to invest in our children. I'm attempting to do more. Who will do the same?

Read more. Write more. Love more. Pray more. Live more.

Can It Be It Was All So Simple Then?

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I've been listening to a lot of music from the 1990's this week. And it's appropriate for a #ThrowbackThursday blog post. The hip hop can be so intense, it's not always a good combination with the stresses of the day. "Keeping it real' can go very wrong, very quickly!

Can It Be That It Was All So Simple Then - The music relaxes me and takes me back to a time where things were much more simple. I think many of the songs that I love hold up over time, but some of them don't LOL. I think the thing they do best is remind us of days gone by. Things feel so much more impersonal. We don't know our neighbors' names. We don't know our children's friends or their parents. We're just in our box, and couldn't care less about what else is going on. 

Howdy, Neighbor - Yesterday it snowed and my neighbor came by to snow-blow my walkway (God bless him!). I was so relieved because I was busy shoveling and trying to get cars cleaned off for us to go to work. He lives next door and although it was only a few more feet for him to help me out, I was just really appreciative of the act itself. We keep an eye on his house if he's headed out of town and he does that same for us. That type of behavior is sort of a throwback in itself! 

Cynics and Critics - Life can make you cynical, then you start wondering what everyone's angle is. I work in corporate America and there are numerous folks who are only looking at what they can get from you. And if they can't get anything from you, some won't even acknowledge your existence. I'm also in the "people business". How many customers call you just to tell you you're awesome? They call when they need something like most consumers do! Same can be said for many friends and family members as well. No judgment, just facts. 

Ain't Nothing Like The Old School - How does one bring an old school approach to this "new" school? Please and thank you. Yes ma'am, no sir. People always compliment my wife and I on how well mannered my child is and although I truly appreciate it, I hate that it's not the norm. It wasn't the norm when  my mom got those same compliments in the early 80's. 

Social Media - I was in the bank earlier this week and an older woman came in and she immediately said, "Hello everyone," and it was only myself and an older gentleman who responded to her. This lobby had about 10 people in it. It was like no one had ever taught them to say hello when they walked into a room. And the cell phones don't help. I heard someone call Facebook and Twitter and those applications "anti social" media. We put more emphasis on posting what we're doing on Facebook  than what we are actually doing! Turn those phones off occasionally. We buy children these toys that WE'RE impressed by..... and they play with the box! Red wagons have been selling for over 100 years. That's right, a simple red wagon.

Memories, Like The Corners of My Mind - Allow your mind to breath. Enjoy those people who are around you. We all seem to be consumed with so much insignificance and then tell people who are close to us,  "Sorry I haven't called. I've been so busy". We'll share a tweet or a post on IG, but won't pick up the phone or even text to say, "You've been on my mind". Believe me, I am guilty of it too but I'm trying to improve. Putting my phone down when I'm playing with my daughter, because there's no status update that overrules my status as a dad. Doing the same for my interactions with my wife. We put so many things that CAN WAIT over things that should never have to. 

Read more. Write more. Love more. Pray more. Live more.

Week in Review (The Labor Day 2016 Edition)

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Don't Hate The Player - Had a very lively conversation with my boss. Our differences in opinion is similar to what most salespeople and their managers differ on. Over the past few weeks certain lessons have come into greater focus. Firstly, you don't get mad at a dog for barking. Certain management roles are there to simply pass down a message. The other manager can't directly "lead" such a large number of people, so they depend on their managers to "spread the gospel". It's up to each manager to determine if they'd like to advocate for their team and fight. We're all looking for someone to follow, but we're not interested in just following any ole person! Most managers will pass the message along, very similar to how they received it #Facts 

There's absolutely NO REASON to curse out the mail person because they've delivered an eviction notice or any other bad news. It's simply not their fault. Throughout the years, I have also learned that the world relies on the majority of folks to not care enough to fight for things. We'll speak up occasionally, but we'll either run out of steam or get distracted by something else that we feel strongly about (for the moment). With a 24 hour news cycle, Twitter and Facebook, our attention spans are at their limit. We're like dogs chasing a car. The car turns the corner and we're on to the next one.

Fighting the Good Fight - I am trying to decide if I'm willing to step up to that plate at work, each day, and go to bat for myself and my team members in order to give leadership the perspective from our point of view. You know what, I've decided that isn't where I'd like to expend my energy. I have family, friends and other interests that'll benefit more from my efforts! The only way I'll truly be able to alleviate my frustrations with corporate politics and sales organizational problems, is to leave it behind. Until that day comes, I'll work to better contextualize my job, my goals for this job and the expectations my job has of me. 

Stuff That Matters - My little girl started in the preschool room at daycare last week. I was very proud because she's potty trained and I think she'd benefit greatly with more structure and being around some slightly older kids (versus slightly younger ones). I was also very happy because my daycare rate was lowered!  A slight decrease, but a decrease nonetheless. She'll be 3 in almost 60 days and as I mentally prepare for her baby brother's arrival in about 40 days, I think about how quickly these 34 months have gone! As I crunch number after number, hoping to discover some savings, I think to myself that in 2 years, my oldest will be in kindergarten, giving us a nice reduction in expenses (We'll be able to go eat at a nice restaurant. But I'm getting ahead of myself). Then I get very uneasy because I realize IN 2 YEARS MY BABY GIRL WILL BE IN KINDERGARTEN! Seeing her mature each day is rewarding. She's more and more confident, self sufficient and observant. The goodbyes when I drop her off are shortening and she even tell us to, "Stay right there" when we try to help her in the bathroom LOL. I've learned that the only way to combat the passing time is to fill each moment with as much awesomeness as possible. Because the clock continues to move whether we're enjoying life or not.

More Stuff That Matters - A great friend of mine lost his father last week. I pray for his strength because he's truly in charge of keeping much of his family together as they mourn and attempt to start the healing process. Death can put multiple strains on a family and every family handles them differently. As I try to be there for him in his time of need, I can't help but to think about what my dad's death did to our family. I have siblings that I've hardly talked to in 2 years (he died on March 8, 2014) and I'm not sure if I have much reason to. I pray that the fractures in my family heal and that my buddy doesn't have to endure as much family drama as my family has.

It's a Celebration - Each day should be a celebration, but February 29 is especially worthy of a celebration. And this February, a leap year, is the first leap year since my father's death. He was born on February 29, 1936. He would've been 80 years old.

I'm not saying that my father was especially unique since he was born on a leap year. I actually know a few people born on the same day who seem rather ordinary. I will say that my dad was extraordinary... to me, at least. He brought a calm with him that is rare. A laid back demeanor that would help put your mind at ease or drive you crazy because you felt he didn't respect the urgency of your situation.  

Still Waters - At first glance, one would say it was because he didn't care about much. One could also argue that because he had seen and experienced so much, that many things seemed inconsequential to him. He understood that time moved on and what seemed insurmountable would soon pass. One could argue that he cared too much and his "perceived indifference" was a defense mechanism to help him deal with the things that he could not control. The last part of this puzzle is he was an addict. Addicted to drugs, the lifestyle, the hustle and taking care of people who needed him, with a strong emphasis on taking care of his children. 

With some children needier than others, he tended to whoever's issues were on the front burner. It taught me self sufficiency at a young age and in some ways prevented us from being closer. I was busy taking care of my business and he was busy helping others take care of theirs. I miss him... a lot. More than I imagined I would. He was like the sun to many. Folks couldn't start their days without him. He was my oak tree. I didn't not see, nor need to see him every day. But I knew if I needed him, he'd be there. He was a night owl, who I could call while leaving the bar just to chat. I'd trade a song from the Isley Brothers for a 15 minute conversation with my old man. A 10am call could result in getting his voicemail, but a 10pm call would increase the odds of him answering by 65%.  Calm. Wise. Very rarely judging, just offering a wisdom that was simply priceless. I wish we talked more. I wish we spent more time together. But I am truly grateful for the time we did spend and the lessons I learned from him. I am thankful that he was able to see my first child and spend some time with her. I get emotional thinking about the few things that perked him up while in his last days of life. I'd mentioned my Zara and he'd light up. He'd smile and say, "That's my girl," his weakened voice remaining at the same tone, but his smile telling the real story. My father loved children. I think they represented the innocence that he admired. So much promise without all of the insecurities, regrets and fears that handcuff most of us. Daddy, I promise to become more child-like and go after my dreams and leave the corporate politics to the politicians. There are plenty of folks who can play that game. I need to find a game that I want to play.

Read more. Write more. Love more. Pray more. Live more.

The Blog About Nothing

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I had been reaching out to this customer of mine since late summer. Phone calls, emails and never one response. Well guess who called today because she needed something? That's right, my customer! She told me that she hadn't replied because she did not need anything from me....until today. I'm not gonna lie, her honesty was refreshing! It's amazing what happens when a person actually wants to be found. They appear out of nowhere like Cosmo Kramer...

We're all opportunistic, to varying degrees. I just try to give more than I take. When we're looking for someone to do us a favor, we should all be like my customer and at least be honest about it!

Read more. Write more. Love more. Pray more. Live more.

Case of the Mondays

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People can be the worst! I believe that there are so many things that we avoid (specifically) on Mondays because we're so fragile. We're not thrilled to be doing "responsible people" things on Monday and we don't want to run into someone even leased thrilled than us. The wrong conversation can be the equivalent of burned popcorn in the microwave. You attempt to put it in the review mirror, but it takes a valiant effort to truly shake it.

I'm typically ready to rock and roll on Monday morning. I have a list of things that I want to take care of..... and then I'm inundated with emails from management. Hey, you know what's a super awesome buzz skill when you're excited about your day? Busy work/reporting/shit rolling downhill emails. 

Word of advice to leadership - If you hate getting them and they annoy you, resist the urge to immediately forwarding those over to your team first thing in the morning. Maybe try something a little more uplifting. But what do I know?? 

Mondays can be tough for everyone, especially children. My two year old has an especially hard time on Mondays. The morning is solid and 9.5 times out of 10, she's had a great day at daycare. But when she gets home, she becomes a little hell raiser. After sleeping in (relatively speaking) during the weekend, Monday is the first day back to the grind. She may not be able to articulate why she's being a stinker so I give her a pass. But what's funny is adults walk around pouting themselves when they're having a tough time. And when you ask them what's wrong the answer is usually, "Nothing. I'm fine." Adults: Use. Your. Words.

Read more. Write more. Love more. Pray more. Live more.

What A Week!

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What a week! A two year old with an ear infection (And all that comes with it like an irritable mommy and daddy!) and all sorts of ridiculousness at work contributed to a hectic week. Last week was one that could've gone downhill very quickly. This was a potential awful, frustrating week that ended up being pretty darn solid *as I pat myself on the back*. A win in my book! It's easy to have a great day when things are falling in place for you. I put a lot of stock in salvaging the days when the balls aren't bouncing your way. If you can somehow "break even" when the day seems lost, my belief is you'll have more days where you end up on top!

You, again? - Why are people always messing with you?? Do you have the worst luck in the world or do you somehow attract a certain type of attention? Have you ever dealt with someone that drama seems to always surround? They're always telling you how someone wronged them, but they omit THEIR role in the situation.

100 - I RESPECT those who have drama and are completely honest that it was (at least) partially their fault. I can deal with someone saying, "Yes, I was a jerk and things took a turn that I wasn't expecting," versus "I don't know why that person (and that person and that person) is treating me like this."

Honesty with one's self can be sobering (and depressing), but once you get over it can be incredibly empowering. Because your awareness of certain flaws may inspire you to change. Or if not change, at least become more comfortable in your own skin and able to deal with the repercussions of your quirks.

Read more. Write more. Love more. Pray more. Live more.

What Are You Working For?

#BaxtersBuzz

I have all of these great ideas, but I feel like my time is dwindling. Those who work traditional jobs, give their best hours to their employer. And fools like me who also work in the evening, have shrunk the time I have for my own ventures. Is it appreciated? Does my boss or their boss even care that I work late evenings and weekends? The truth is they care, but not much.

I talked to a friend of mine today and he's in sales. He was telling me that he was having his best January ever and he was setting himself up for the best year of his career. Awesome news, right? The strange thing is he seemed down. Many of his coworkers aren't having his type of start and history tells him that change is coming.....and coming soon. Change can disrupt flow and momentum and if leadership is flying by the seat of their pants and being shortsighted, it puts everyone on edge. You can do everything you've planned to do, hit every target, attained every goal and you can still come up short. Such is life.

The older, successful I talk to tell me about balance. Spending time with the family, knowing when to put down the laptop and enjoying your spouse and children. It always makes sense what they say, but I always think if they'd had it to do over again, they'd still bust their butts because that's why they're in their current position. And although I understand the importance of balance in theory, I also feel an enormous amount of pressure to ensure my family is comfortable. Hell, I'm really working to pay daycare from now until.......sheesh! I don't even want to think about it.

As I work to become more balanced and save some of my prime hours for my OWN endeavors, I understand what pays the (daycare) bills now and that is my focus. Honestly, it's always nice to be recognized for hard work, but that's not my goal. My goal is to one day have something to show for all of this hard work..

Read more. Write more. Love more. Pray more. Live more.

Practicality vs Preference

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A friend of mine is taking his son's full size bed out of his room to replace it with a twin. The full doesn't allow him much room to play, and when his cousins are over (he has a lot of cousins), there isn't enough room. The logical solution is to get a smaller bed, albeit, not the most popular. Although it feels like a "downgrade," it's really an upgrade. He can be more comfortable in the place he spends the most time.

What part of your life do you need more space to do other things? What part of your life could use some unclogging? What are you filling your life up with because it appears to be the right thing, but is really a hindrance?

I believe we all should occasionally take inventory of those in our lives and be sure that we're making time for the right things.

Read more. Write more. Love more. Pray more. Live more.

A Small Handful

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Towards the end of 2015, I realized that there were people who I genuinely liked, but never saw. That's a problem. This life is supposed to be enjoyed with those who you share a love and admiration for. If you're devoting all of your time to inconsequentials at work and then they're STILL on your mind once you get home, that's a huge problem.

I've committed to making contact with a small handful of people each day. A group that I designate "family," whether shared bloodlines or not. Those who have similar interests but not so much that it's like talking to myself. Those who my wife enjoys being around. Those who care about my well-being. I can't talk to every single person I know each day, but I can pick a handful of these people and work on building more with them. That's a start and I'll work from there.

When people are busy and doing life, things don't always happen "organically". There are times when you need to force the issue.  Include reaching out to others into your everyday routine. I always laugh when people say, "I've been meaning to call you, but I've been so busy". Like they haven't touch a phone. It's nobody's fault, we are all creatures of habit. Make room for the shit that matters.....relationships. Not working and worrying so much that you can't find time for anything else! Laugh with, cry with, inspire and challenge those closest to you. I want my loved ones to be better because I played a part in their evolvement, not better despite my lack of enthusiasm or encouragement.

Read more. Write more. Love more. Pray more. Live more.

2016 Is My Year!

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Here We Go Again - This is my attempt to get some feelings and experiences documented before my second child arrives in early April. There are a number of challenges that I'm facing and I want to share. To my 3-4 folks who read when I post, thank you. It's probably down to 1 person since I haven't blogged since March of 2015! I hope to be more consistent moving forward. I'm selfishly hoping that this will unclutter some of the thoughts in my brain.

My second child is expected to arrive about three weeks before my oldest turns three years old. My birthday will be about 10 days between each, but I am not focused on that. I'm sure I'll fit in a celebratory drink/dinner for myself but my biggest concern is getting this newborn here, safe and sound. And of course, making sure my wife is healthy as well. There are so many things to worry about during a pregnancy, but it's such a waste of energy. And it does no good.

We found out we were expecting as I was trying to find my legs in a new job role. I did not handle the transition well. I lost a lot of sleep, worrying about my new leadership team, how I could make more money, how we'd handle another baby and how would we be able to afford it.

Oh Yeah, Money - Leadership is interesting. I think most of us have an idea of what we'd like to do if given a chance to lead, but once in a role, YOUR leaders typically dictate how you'll lead. I've been in the workforce long enough to know that leadership does matter. Poor leaders can force you to leave a job you really like and great leaders can help you enjoy a job and excel where you never thought you could. Some leaders are so caught up in proving their worth, they're impeding the progress of their team. Removing their proverbial thumb and allowing the team to flourish and grow, (with pertinent and occasional input) is what I respond best to. I'm doing my best to give my leadership what they need while trying to work from a consistent playbook. It's the balance that I need in order to keep my sanity....and sleeping at night. 

Keeping What Real? - What I also realized is that nothing brings more peace than prayer. Allowing God to handle my worries has ALWAYS been the best remedy. It's amazing how quickly we can forget about prayer, being too wrapped up in our own minds. I started this blog back in 2008 as a platform to share and work through some of the issues in my head. I had just moved back to Detroit from the west side of the state and was about to get married. I moved to start a new job and was being introduced to the world of corporate America. The pretentiousness and phony people has always been a struggle for me. Now I just work under the assumption that whatever I share will eventually become public knowledge so if I don't want that outcome, keep it to myself. I watch a lot of sports and I'm always amazed at how a player can go from a promising career to a "bust" all because they changed teams. The people around you make all of the difference in the world. A group of folks who build you up will always see better results from you than a group who just tears you down. Seems like a simple concept, but yet there are folks in leadership positions at the highest levels that can't quite grasp this ideology. I'm learning to deal with it better, but I still REALLY STRUGGLE. Guess I need to continue to pray!

Read more. Write more. Love more. Pray more. Live more.