Happy Habits

#BaxtersBuzz

"I remember when I was young and hopeful. Before life beat me down." Those were the words out of my friend's mouth. He was joking but only semi-joking. He's in his late thirties and part of him has given up.

I was out with friends recently and as we shared stories of what was going on in our lives, there were good things and bad things being shared. The ONE thing that we all know and acknowledged is that without our significant others, we wouldn't be as stable or as well off as we are now. My wife has been so instrumental in helping me understand those other things in life that I may have missed, but are so important to her. If it were up to me, we'd probably have the same sofa that I had while I was a broke bachelor! There are things that I never cared about.

Responsibility changes you. Or at least it should. Seeing what's important to my wife gives me a new perspective on things. My point of view has evolved. My daughter being born has once again given me more perspective. Those two will forever shape how I live the rest of my life.

My buddy who I referred to earlier is single, with no kids and no real leads for a spouse. He isn't a terribly happy person. I'm not sure what'll make him happy. Not sure what his plans are when/if he gets married. Not sure if that will complete him. Give him purpose.

I look at all of the social media and listen to people at work and everywhere else. I've determined that generally speaking, we are not a happy bunch. How do we change that?

I must live with my loved ones in mind, but I cannot simply live for them. I was reading an article by Jeff Haden called 7 Things Remarkably Happy People Do Often. I encourage you to follow the link and read this very interesting article. For the purpose of my piece, I'd like to talk about two of the things. Actively pursue your goals. "David Niven, author of 100 Simple Secrets of the Best Half of Life, People who could identify a goal they were pursuing were 19% more likely to feel satisfied with their lives and 26 percent more likely to feel positive about themselves." We have to set goals and strive towards something as a way to feel connected. If we aren't making progress towards something, what are we really doing?

Another thing that happy people do is make good friends. This is a subject that I blogged about just recently. Haden talks about the importance of not just making professional friends, but "real" friends. "Doubling your number of friends is like increasing your income by 50 percent in terms of how happy you feel," is an awesome way to describe the importance of making friends wherever you go. 

Live today. Set goals and pursue them! Make real friends and build relationships that matter. Protect those special relationships with your life, because without them, your life isn't getting the miles to the gallon it's intended to.

There are many aspects of one's life that contribute to their entire portrait. We can't let one missing color make us feel incomplete. Pursuing our goals, while building with our friends and family is good stuff! Nobody's on their death bed wishing they would've taken more naps in their life or played it safer.

It's not just the wins, but the losses as well. It isn't just about the peaks, but the peaks proceeding valleys that you never thought you'd escape. It's not just arriving at your destination, but your entire journey. One day we'll be recalling more memories than we're making. At that point, I want to feel like my life was my own.

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Clear Next Steps

#BaxterBuzz

Definition of networking: the exchange of information or services among individuals, groups, or institutions; specifically: the cultivation of productive relationships for employment or business. Are you networking effectively? Do you have a mentor? Someone who's in a position that you'd like to be some day? What about the company you keep? Anyone of them doing anything that you're aiming towards? 

As I approach the end of this year, I need to look at MY support system and find out what everyone's role is. Should I be adding and/or subtracting based on my goals for 2014? Is this selfish? To some degree, yes, but being selfish isn't always a negative thing. I need to invest into myself by making sure I'm spending time with people and doing things that will feed my spirit, inspire me, and get me to the next level. 

Tomorrow isn't promised and I don't want to waste my time at a crossroad, deciding where to go when I can be going! I'm not big on moving aimlessly just for the sake of moving. I want to move full speed ahead with a group of people who encourage my individuality.

We lose ourselves to peer pressure; to other people's expectations of what we should be doing. Everyone wants us in a box. Society wants us to work within certain parameters, to put ceilings on your dreams. And if it isn't someone else shooting down our dream or discouraging us, self doubt and self pity will paralyze you. 

To truly empower someone, is to encourage their individuality. To give them the confidence to be themselves. The freedom of being yourself is the greatest gift you could ever give yourself or help to give someone else. Most people wouldn't know what to do with their freedom. You could unlock the windows and open up all of the doors and they'd stay their scary asses inside because it's where they feel most comfortable. If you are with people who suppress your ambitions with negative thoughts, jealousy, or simple indifference, you're better off by yourself.

If are not with folks who share your passions and allow you to be yourself and encourage that, you may end up losing yourself and never finding it again.

October 20, 2014

#BaxtersBuzz

Out of town trip this past weekend. First trip away from the baby. Wifey and I celebrated another year of marriage. This whole thing never gets old. There are TOO many variables. Marriage isn't something you master and then it's smooth sailing from then on. The dynamics are constantly changing and you must be in tune with these changes and do your best to keep up. Sometimes you need to do more and then there are times when you need to fall back and relax. If you don't have your eyes open, you'll miss your cues. Once you continue to miss cues, things can go all sorts of ways at that point. Whew! It's exhausting just talking about it.

My baby girl seemed to do well while we were away. When we got back she was excited to see us though. She ran and ran and ran around the house. Let her granny tell it, she hadn't been that hyper the entire weekend. The irony: We enjoyed our time away, but wondered if she missed us. But her missing us too much would've made our time less enjoyable. Us humans and our weird ways! 

Mondays are tough because typically I've been with the family all weekend then I have to head to work. I feel like everyone has the same sentiments. They would've been perfectly fine with another day without seeing our Monday morning mugs.

While we were waiting for a table this weekend, Wifey and I were both on Instagram looking at pictures. This old man with his wife decided to playfully tease us because we were on our phones and not talking to one another. He joked how soon none of us will have social skills because everyone will be texting. I totally understand his thought process and I agree. The irony of the situation is his old ass wasn't talking to his wife either!  He probably was mad because didn't have a smartphone. I love to see the older folks smiling when they know their quip was dead on. I'll be exactly the same way.

Sometimes when you win, you really lose and sometimes when you lose, you really win. Honesty with one's self will give you the proper perspective and help you deal with each scenario.

History Repeating

#BaxtersBuzz

As I look at NBA training camps and the regular season approaching, players talk about having a "new focus," and "being in the best shape of their life," I can't help but become skeptical. What exactly are you doing with millions in your pockets that you weren't doing when you were broke? Typically, the last year of their contract (they year before a team can commit NEW millions to them) is when you really see players go all out. I'm in sales and we're measured on a monthly basis. We are given our numbers compared to our goals and we're given advice on how to improve.  We don't have "contract years," but in many sales environments any month, quarter, or year can be your last. How should we respond to that type of pressure?

Folks want to start their new diets (or any sort of plans) at the beginning of the week or month.....or YEAR! We're always looking to buy ourselves more time. The future is NOW. Look behind you, but don't look for too long. Life is whizzing by you. Whatever goals you have, start on them today. The past is full of procrastination and regret. Don't let history repeat itself. Learn from the past, but don't live there. There's so much life ahead of you and so many blessings waiting. Things that are in the history books can't be changed (unless you're the government, but that's another story altogether). Each day we start, we're  given a new pen to write our story. Don't let that pen dry out while you stare at pages that have already been written.

Letter To Boo (Building)

#BaxtersBuzz

 Below is a letter that I sent to my cousin who's in prison.

Peace. I appreciate the words of encouragement. We are alike in so many ways. We clicked as kids, but we still have the same mindset. It's crazy to hear your thoughts because we share so many. It's like we're on the same wavelength. You are a gift to everyone who knows you. To everyone that has had the pleasure to build with you and learn from you. I was watching an interview (with Ab-Soul) and he was asked what we were put on earth for. His reply, "To build."

When you feel a sense of empowerment as well as inspiration after talking to someone, you've had a great conversation. I hate that most of our conversations are through email, but I still feel that you understand my struggle, because my struggle hasn't really changed. I've felt this desire to do more than I'm doing. Feeling like there is so much left to do, just not sure where to begin. But when I think about it, I've already begun.

It started many years ago, when you and I first started building. We'd sit up all night and talk about some of the heaviest shit 11 and 12 year olds could think of! It was iron sharpening iron. Those conversations gave me keys to things, years and years before I'd know what to do with them. This was the playbook. Many of the lessons that my dad didn't share with me, but shared with YOUR DAD, and your dad passed along to you...those eventually made their way to me. Maybe I had to hear those things from a child's point of view in order to fully digest them. Crazy, right?

October 13, 2014

#BaxtersBuzz

So as I went to pick up breakfast for the family on Sunday morning, I saw a girl that I went to high school with. She had seen some pictures of the baby from social network and the conversation started there. She talked about wanting to have children but was currently single and didn't know when that would change. Said she had two relationships that were essentially a waste of time. She said her goals didn't align with these dudes' goals. She has a fear of being an "old mom" once she finally becomes one. Do you want to do something quickly or do it right? Time is so valuable. Sometimes we think we're making a wise investment, only to find out later that we took a huge loss.

The wife and I went out for dinner and had plans to meet a couple of friends for drinks afterwards. My friend is single and the wife's friend is also. We thought it wouldn't hurt to at least introduce them to one another and see what happens. Both were at home and it all seemed to be lining up perfectly. Until her friend decided she wasn't interested in meeting anyone that night. Would it have been anymore than a night out? Would it be love at first sight? Or something in between those two extremes? Compatibility is an interesting thing. It has to do with more than liking the same movies or growing up in the same town. But sometimes something simple like that can be the difference between a friend and a spouse.

Timing is instrumental when finding a partner, a job, or any opportunity. What if you're in between jobs, looking to leave the state, or going through a crisis? There are times when we're simply not ready for what's in front of us. There are times when we don't want to be ready and then there are times when we need to figure out a way to be ready because a person or opportunity is too good to pass up. But we can't miss what we never had and for every job offer we pass up because we're comfortable in our current position, there's someone else out there waiting for that same offer. All we can do is try to make the decision that feels best and be ready to live with the consequences.We should not cry over spilled milk and we definitely should not feel any type of way about some else's milk.

Sean "Diddy" Combs posted a message on Instagram this weekend that read, "Work until you no longer have to introduce yourself." I can really dig that! I need to work harder. I must prove myself right. I am not only a survivor, but I want to be a winner. There's plenty of evidence backing up the "survivor" statement, but I need many more accomplishments in order to consider myself a winner. The journey continues.

The fourth quarter of the year began about two weeks ago. Besides looking forward to some really good music being released, it's time that I turn up the volume and work to finish this year as strong as possible. There are people who have proven to be more adversarial than I would have guessed. I am not concerned with why certain people don't want me to succeed, I'm just concerned with putting myself in a position where they cannot impede any progress that I'm trying to make. We must not look at the people who are being pitted against us, we must look at those who are doing the pitting.

Off Kilter

#BaxtersBuzz

When I drop my daughter off at daycare, it's so interesting to me that at 17 months, she knows where to be. She takes her spot amongst the other kids in something that resembles a circle and waits for her cereal (even though she just ate breakfast at home. Who doesn't love cereal though?).

What's cooler than that is actually seeing her interaction with the other children. She only has a handful of words but she has friends! She is one of the youngest kids there and also the newest. So months back when she started, we'd see her kinda off to the side, playing by herself at the end of the day when we went to pick her up. Was she not being accepted by the other kids, my wife wondered. I thought she was just being a mom and overreacting, until I saw her with my own two eyes (always that that term was weird. How else would you see something?). Then I felt what my wife was feeling. It's a cool feeling to see my daughter's "peers" happy to see her when she arrives. We arrive later than normal a couple of weeks back so all of the children were there already. They all said, "Hi Zara," and one of the girls (who I was told was her bff) gave my baby a hug. Zara even patted her bestie her on the head, as to say, "Now now, everything is cool. I'm here." Interaction at any age still fascinates me. The roles we take on in particular groups, but that's another blog for another day.

I'm "off to the side" a lot at work. I'm in my own mind often, but rarely do I feel like I'm missing something. With a brain buzzing like mine does, it's easy to get caught up in your own thoughts. Don't get my wrong, I'll eat lunch with others if it works out that way but I'm completely satisfied with eating alone. I'll chit chat at the water cooler like everyone else.  I LOVE having good conversations,or even the occasional (when I say occasion, I mean any occasion that I get) grade school humor that seems to never get old no matter how old us men get.

The friends I grew up with set the bar so high regarding conversation, commonalities and charisma, that if they weren't around I knew they couldn't be duplicated easily. I have many folks that I'm friendly with, but I'm still working on not comparing everyone to my closest friends. It's like comparing every meal to your best meal ever. It would be tough to feel satisfied, right? There are people at work that I truly get a kick out of! Funny, smart, interesting folks that I'd like to learn more about. Many times, time doesn't allow it and it's hard work to convert someone you're a "fan" of at work, into a friend outside of it.

I get along with mostly everyone and if you take a quick glance, I seem to fit in just fine. It's only when you look closely that you see I'm actually playing off to the side by myself. Not that I've been relegated there, I just feel comfortable where I am.

October 9, 2014

Baxter's Buzz

Friendships are funny things. There's so much fluidity when it comes to associates. And friends (true friends) provide a foundation that you can depend on. There are so many wishy washy people and that's why folks stick to those they know. Because even if your close friend has some serious character flaws, at least you know about them already. It's tough getting close to new folks because it's hard work figuring out where they lack exactly until they let you down. I don't mean to sound cryptic, but we all are less than perfect. There are SUPER individuals who would give you the shirt off of their back, answer the phone any time of night if you needed them and give you some of the greatest advice ever. But that same person might not be able to hold on to a single cent. They may not be able to hold on to a job and may never have any money if you needed it. That doesn't diminish your relationship with them, you just need to be mindful of those around you. We all have limitations and we just need to accept people for who they are, NOT who we want them to be.

I was talking with an old coworker of mine about someone we used to work with. I don't believe in "work friends" and I always thought that we'd be close. I believe that if you can leave a job with 1-2 true friends after you all part ways, you're in good shape. Sometimes adversity hits and the way it impacts relationships surprise you. You're expecting someone to stand up and support you and they do just the opposite. This can go for family too. What's done is done and you can't rewrite history from last year because the dynamics of your relationship has changed this year. Be appreciative of the moments when you were able to let down your guard and really be yourself. As you lose touch and "get busy," you're sacrificing your freedom in many ways because there are very few folks that you can be your true self around. If you lose those people in your life (and don't replace them with other awesome people), you lose some of yourself. You can't spend your entire life pretending that you love things you dislike or laughing at corny jokes! We all need a foundation that we can depend on in the mist of the uncertainty that we face on a daily basis.

October 8, 2014

Baxter's Buzz

Sometimes I have too much on my mind and I have trouble sleeping. I can always fall asleep but my brain never completely shuts down. I can quiet it enough to lay down, but if I have more than usual going on, a simple trip to the bathroom may start my brain back up....full speed. So if I'm having one of those nights, I may get up and turn on the t.v. Often, I'll hear my baby's aquarium that is attached to her crib. It's this electronic aquarium that's part night light, part radio and part entertainment because these fish go back and forth (I understand why she likes it). It has to be manually turned on so I know she was up at some point. 

I wonder what keeps a baby up at night. There's so much in the world to learn and experience and every single thing is new to them. I guess I wouldn't wanna sleep either! But I suppose we can still look at life that way. Or at least we should try. 

 A guy who was helping me repair my basement got some bad news. His wife had cancer and they were giving her two weeks to live. He felt this enormous amount of guilt. He said, "It should be me. I'm the one that drinks and smokes." Oh, if it were only that simple. Most of us are fortunate enough to NOT know when our last day will be (imagine the stress that would cause!), but our cards could truly be punched at any time. Those fish in my daughter's aquarium can only go from side to side, but we have the opportunity to go anywhere....and we go to bed normally.

We can dream while we're asleep, but we can only chase those dream while we're awake.

I'm 33

Baxter's Buzz

I was playing ball at the gym and there was a young kid who came on the court. We spoke back and forth between plays and I asked him how old he was, to which he replied, "sixteen." He then said, "How old are YOU?" I don't think about my age all the time, but I really feel young in many ways. And old in many others. Sometimes my awareness can be a burden because I see the world from these weird angles and it would be much easier to see it in black and white. The world isn't black and white, but most of us pretend that it is....easier that way.

Forever Young? -  I feel young, but I was told today that, "we don't have much more time to be young." So what do we do while youth is on our side? And what is the expiration date on youth?? If I wanted to go back to school in January and go 180 degrees away from my current field, how long do you think it'd take to get my Masters? Let's say it took me 7 years to become....to work in the social services field. I'd be 40 years old and could still have a wonderful and lengthy "second" career. Let's say I worked until I was 70. That's 30 years! When I look at things that way, I believe I'm still have some youth left.

Doggy Dog World - My wife is back to trying to sell me on a puppy. I love my daughter more than anything in this world. With that being said, she is a LOT of work. Long gone are the times that my wife and I could hop up and spend the weekend out of town. There's a certain amount of preparation that even goes into a trip to damn Home Depot! So as my daughter gets older and a little easier to babysit (although that's debatable), she wants me to get a dog that will never be able to fend for itself? Hmmmmm

Old Man - I've given up on fancy socks. I simply can't keep up with them. I'm going to buy a bunch of the same pattern black, brown and blue socks. Finding socks is the most stressful part of getting dressed. Ridiculous, I know. That's why I'm doing something about it. My coworker called it going "old man." Whatever you call it, I'm implementing it as soon as possible.

Best Sports City  - It's amazing how sports can lift a city (Detroit was just voted best sports city. Perfect timing). Or if you're a Detroit sports fan, sports can ruin an otherwise solid, easygoing weekend. I'm in the wrong field. I have to remind myself that those guys are blessed to play a game for a living. I don't have the time to live and die with each win and loss. To quote Jalen Rose, "There are winners in sports and then there are winners in life." All those guys are winning. I'm dedicated to becoming a winner myself and I have only so much time to mope around. I'm not 13 anymore...I'm 33! I got shit to accomplish..

It's Called Life

Baxter's Buzz

Life is like art. Life IS art. Our masterpiece could come at any age. Any stage in our life. And although I believe everyone has the ability to create many great works, I don't believe we all actually take advantage and make good use of their abilities.

How can I make this life mine? How can I make today the best day ever while setting the groundwork for the next day? How can I tailor my current job in order to feel like I'm truly making a difference?

I don't want to get through life like most of us get through a tough day: Just skate by and hope that we can avoid any issues, in hopes that they can rinse, wash and repeat. It's called life.

As I get ready to post this, I turn on the television and Steve Harvey is on Oprah's Life Class. He talks about the difference between your "talent" and your "gift." He said that your talent is what gets you paid, but your gift is why you were made. Powerful stuff! Do you know what YOUR talent is? What about your gift?

I believe those who are close to you should help you identify these things, although, ultimately you have to recognize these things in yourself. Friends (real friends) and family (real family) should be helping you along your path. We should not be impeded by those we spend significant time with.

Iron sharpens iron and if you aren't associating with sharp iron, you're wasting your talents and your gifts. The more you give, the more you get. Work to be a positive and inspirational presence for all of those who come in contact with you, and you will receive blessings from unlikely places.

September 25, 2014

Baxter's Buzz

So this is a Thursday night post that may or may not make the cut. My plan is to publish this tonight, but this isn't the first time I've attempted to blog about this topic. I unsuccessfully attempted this earlier this week. Here goes nothing:

Tomorrow, my baby turns 17 months. I sent pictures to some of my family members (only the ones who always ask me for pictures. I added them all to a group on my phone) recently and one of my sisters made the comment that my baby girl reminded her of my mom (I say "my mom" because we have different mothers). Last Friday was my mother's birthday. She would've been 66 years old. March of 2015 will be the 25th year that she's been gone. She died in 1990 and after 24+ years, I have NO CLUE how I've made it this far. I am truly blessed. I haven't had a ton of people in my corner, per se, just a potent group of people. Those who don't know your struggle don't understand why you hold your head up high. Why you don't let petty things affect your mood (most of the time).

We live in this world where most of what we see isn't real. Corporate America is made up mostly of puppets and unhappy people. Every now and then, I'll look around at work and wonder if there's anyone else looking at the world from my uncommon perspective. There are a few people that I know personally, and I have a good idea of how they see things. I wonder about many others. Sometimes I want to pull certain people aside and ask them if they are part of the flock or just pretending to be.

I don't belong. I don't fit. I try (at times), but I feel like everyone knows the truth. Sometimes I'm wearing my disappointment on my sleeve. I don't intentionally go against the grain. I am not outwardly antagonistic. I mostly keep my mouth shut when I hear regurgitated jargon and ridiculous claims that insult my intelligence. Sometimes I get REALLY antsy though. I discreetly peak around the conference room to see if anyone will take a stand. And nobody blows holes into this weak sauce that's being served! And I keep my mouth shut as well, afraid that I'll ruin the end of the movie for everyone. That maybe nobody has seen this movie and I'll be letting the proverbial "cat out of the bag," or EVERYONE knows the ending but playing along And those who suspected that I didn't belong in the first place will point and say, "See! He is not one of us!"

My baby girl is a constant reminder of how obvious us adults can be. She can be playing with one of our smart phones and we'll attempt to "trick" her and sneak a toy phone in her hand as we snatch our much more expensive phone from her. How does she react? The same way I want to react when I get a lame response from leadership when I ask a question. The same way I want to react when I feel like nobody actually understands my perspective, but they nod their head in an attempt to pacify me. My wife and I are not fooling my baby no more than some coward in your corporate office is fooling you. But what do you do with that information? More than likely, you won't do anything. Just like I haven't done anything.

My mom passed in March of 1990. My dad passed in March of 2014. I think she'd be proud of what I've done so far. I know my dad was proud. Imperfect, for sure. A lot of great ideas, but not enough of them have grown legs. I've followed my heart at times when I should've thought things through more. Other times, I've hesitated when I should've just reacted. With all that being said, I have progressed. I still have a ways to go. But what's next for me?

Who's Your Competition?

Who's your competition? - Competition is a good thing. It is the element that makes champions. It's also the element that makes enemies. Success cannot be attained without competition. Sometimes we're competing with others unknowingly. Sometimes they know and you don't, and vice versa. There are people who are in my office who I indirectly compete with. Our sales numbers are close and I'm always curious about how they're doing from month to month. Maybe they look at my numbers the same way.  "Cleanup in aisle nine" - My 16 month old baby has a special talent. She can make any food (or drink) messy. And us adults seem to do the same thing regarding life. We are imperfect, emotional, impulsive beings. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so human. So messy. Being Flynn - So I watched a movie this weekend call, "Being Flynn," starring Robert DeNiro. Interesting movie. Writers see the world differently and because of that, "creatives" have a higher chance to suffer from depression or other mental illnesses like bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. My defense mechanism is to dismiss things immediately. I don't feel like I have the time to worry about things that I cannot control. But the things that I think about, I REALLY think about, many times, to my own detriment. Replaying moments in my head and seeing details that others miss, gives me a unique perspective. I understand how depression can set in. Replaying items over and over in your brain can seem obsessive (It seems this way because....it is!), but it allows you to articulate from a different place. Great for writing, but can be bad for regular ole' life.

Labor Day Rant

Baxter's Buzz

I've worked really hard to have a FAMILY. The type of family I didn't see growing up. This perfectly stitched image. something that says, "We made it."

Life is so imperfect and we need to just roll with the punches. We don't need to let everyone know all of our problems, but appreciate the imperfections as opportunities for improvement. Appreciate the imperfections as a reminder that nobody is at 100%. Every household, every person, every family, every business, every relationship has areas for improvement. BUT. But it will never be perfect. We get mad at the company we work for because things aren't "perfect," but we go home to all sorts of issues and seem to just accept them. Why is that?

Folks expend so much energy attempting to appear perfect. Why don't you take some of that time and work on improving your situation instead of maintaining your facade? Then it'd allow others to relax as well, because they'd realize that they weren't the only ones facing a situation. That'll never happen though.

My imperfections. My struggles. My insecurities. All of these things have made me. My failures have pushed me towards new endeavors. My failures taught me that I could bounce back from these things and do great things and replace some previous failures with successes. I'm a winner, but ONLY because of my failures. Winning isn't always being on top. Winning is scraping from the bottom and finding that crack of light in the midst of darkness. And following that light with the optimism that more is coming. That you'll see more light eventually. And if not for the dark, what is light? How can one truly appreciate the light, if they haven't experienced dark times?

We're all incomplete. Unfinished canvases looking for a particular brush or color to make it a masterpiece. Don't ever stop looking but also take time to appreciate your canvas. It IS a masterpiece in the making and the imperfect areas provides character and depth. Embrace the good and bad as part of YOUR canvas and don't ever give up.

Welcome To The Club

Baxter's Buzz

So there's a Coney Island that I'll go to from time to time to buy breakfast. Every now and then, I'll have enough time to call my order in, pick it up and still get to work on time. It feels like every time I go inside the restaurant, there's a new cook working. One day while I waited (waay too long) for a simple order of eggs, hash browns, and sausage, the server apologize profously and even went as far to say, "He won't be here long," in reference to the latest cook. He had this look on face: Annoyed. Confused. The staff of servers seem to remain consistent, but the only thing consistent about the revolving door of cooks was the look on their faces.

Why is that? Why do some people last at a job and some are sent packing?

A friend of mine left my current employer because, quite frankly, they were made an offer they could not refuse. The other issue was the lack of support they received at their former employer. They weren't the favorite of some of the more influential people at work because those folks did not know how to handle a genuine person who happened to be comfortable in their own skin. Yes, my friend is loud, but never malicious. By the time people realized that, in fact, this person was truly awesome, the narrative was already written. They lost a good worker and an even better person when my friend took another job.

Why do certain people hang on at a job? Is it because they get the blessings of the "cool kids"?

The other thing is leadership. Bad managers will run off good people. Sometimes you hire a bad manager and before you realize that they're awful, you've lost a handful of quality employees. Sometimes the managers have been there so long, it sort of becomes a situation where folks just accept it and throw their hands up. Poor management/leadership kills an organization from so many angles. You lose good personnel, your team is underdeveloped and you kill morale because everyone can see this proverbial train is headed nowhere fast!

Companies have these surveys, wanting to know if employees are happy, but many times they're missing the obvious. Leadership is weak and won't get rid of the cancers in the organization, or the leaderership is, in fact, the cancers and nobody above them (if there is someone above them) recognize this or have the guts to make a change.

Do all of the cooks at the Coney Island I frequent suck? Let's peel the onion back slightly. Who's hiring these guys? Are they doing something wrong? Are they being picked on by these spiteful servers, and are the servers the real issue? Has anyone talked to them? How many "bad hires" can there be until they look at some other issues?

FYI, I started this blog weeks ago and since then I have decided that I'm NEVER going back to that Coney. The servers are careless and indifferent at best, and rude at worst.

But what do I know?

David and Goliath

Baxter's Buzz

I just finished reading the book David and Goliath by Malcom Gladwell. It takes a look at underdogs versus (perceived) favorites and emphasizes that things are not always what they seem. It examines the "misfits and the art of battling giants."

We must be willing to challenge what's considered "common knowledge" and use our downfalls as strength, giving us courage in our next endeavor. It's funny how I can listen to music or read a book or have a convo with someone and the themes feel similar. I believe that God will continue to enter themes in your life in order for you to receive a particular message. I know sometimes people don't want to think, and I'm like that....sometimes. But there's so much to think about ! How long should we be "not thinking"? LOL.

The powerful aren't as powerful as it seems and the same goes for the weak. there's no substitute for experience. Experience, when used correctly, gives us courage. At our best, we're able to turn fear into a strength. Confidence knows no competition. But how do we acquire confidence?

I'm tired of being afraid. I. WANT. MORE. I don't want to let fear or laziness keep me from all the cool shit that I wanna do! 

Tragedy effects us all differently. It has made me a persistent SOB! It has made me dismiss failure because I was so used to it. I would pick myself up so quickly from a fall, if you blinked you may have missed it. Failure doesn't devastate me, it allows me to hone in on my goal even more. Persistence is probably the best trait I have, and it is directly related to things I faced as a young man. Being able to bounce back from pitfalls has given me confidence to continue on.

But as I've acquired some things and attained some success, I've gotten lazy at times. Combine that with accumulating things: Wife, house, children and you tend to be a bit more conservative, afraid of losing what you actually have. Even though THERE'S SO MUCH MORE to accumulate. And so much to teach and share with others.

We must not forget who or what "brought us to the dance," meaning we must continue to utilize our strengths as we strive for goals. When you get that promotion at work, you must now work even harder for the next one. When you buy that home, you have to crank it up a notch to maintain it. When you get married, you must give 10 times the effort in order to keep that union thriving.

I believe that I've lost some of my edge over time. And if you become too polished, you tend to blend in and become a piece of the furniture. You become another sheep in the herd. YOUR particular edge will allow you to separate yourself from others in your field. And just remember, you can go from favorite to loser in a short series of moments. But if you are the underdog, play to your strengths and utilize your resources to put the odds of succeeding in your favor.

January 14, 2014

Baxter's Buzz

My baby girl is down for the night. That's the only time of the day that squirming baby is still. After I fed her I put her on my shoulder and just laid there. I was waiting for her to burp but I didn't want to put her down. She's getting big so fast.She's crawling and I'm sure she waved and said "hi" to a picture of herself today.

On most days I feel like she's the only thing I have in this world. To see the world through a child's eyes, it must be a quite the treat. No limits or prejudices. And a true appreciation for the world around them. Not some "I can't wait until Friday," or "Just trying to maintain." These children are learning something new everyday and soaking up the world as it comes.

Genuine energy and enthusiasm for life, every single day.  Enthusiasm on a random Sunday afternoon (Even if the Lions lose) or Wednesday evening is something that we can all learn from. Every day is truly a gift.

A gift that is unopened by many and only half opened by most.

I want to wake up like it is Christmas each day. And get the most of my potential for those who didn't make it this far. For friends and family that are no longer with us, lets' live for them! Those who inspired us and helped us along on our journey, let's strive for the best in their honor.