#BaxtersBuzz
As I sit here deciding what to write. My brain tells me, "Just go!" This is the morning of Mother's Day and we are still under quarantine. I'm thinking back to last night and the Erykah Badu and Jill Scott battle.... as I battle allergy season, a newfound (not really new) anxiety, and the weight of this work/home balance. The more confident I become in my role at work, the less comfortable it seems to make others. We're all technically in the same boat, but definitely rowing in different directions. I am not above criticism though. My ego starts to flare up and I believe in my direction and doubt others and their plans for the company's future. Then I realize that I have some important decisions to make about my future.
Song of the Day - "Time's A Wasting" by Erykah Badu. On Mother's Day, it makes sense to select a song from Badu's second studio project, Mama's Gun. She warns that, "time's wasting. Don't you take your time young man. Keep on drifting ain't no telling where you'll land." If my mother was alive when I reached my twenties, I imagine her sharing similar sentiments with me. This album was released at the end of 2000 while I was on the heels of 21 and wondering what was next for me. I tried to convince some of my friends to move out of the country. They looked at me like I was crazy! LOL. I was unsettled and I felt like nothing was really keeping me near home. Part of me wishes that I would have taken my chance out on my own and went to Paris (not sure why that was my choice but that would've been dope!). I settled on a few hours west, to Kalamazoo, Michigan.
Wifey - As I think about foundations, nobody has provided a stronger one for me than my wife. Some of the un-calculated risks that I surely would have taken if she wasn't in the picture, I avoided (whew!). Although I still feel a bit unsettled on occasion, I am so thankful for her and our kids for keeping me grounded in reality. We're figuring out this shit on the fly, and I can't think of anyone I'd rather be experiencing this crazy life with. Love you Mae!
Queens - A special shout out to the women who have played motherly roles in my life at one time or another: All of my older sisters have always provided me with a place to lay my head, a home-cooked meal, and a safe place to vent about things. We share a father so there were private gripes of mine that nobody else knew about. My mother-in-law has always been in my corner and supportive as well. I love her dearly. There are others who have given me a piece of advice here or there, offered perspective, and instilled confidence when my well seemed dry. You never know who God has called to subtly redirect you. The last angel that I can think of (I'm sure there have been more) was a cashier from TJ Maxx back in 2017. I was at a real crossroads in my life and our 5 minute conversation while I was checking out helped me immensely! She was going through a tough time herself and as I offered words of advice, I realized that my issues weren't so bad.
Back to Wifey - Let me just say this: It wasn't a slam dunk that I would do anything very well when she met me. I had the potential, but so do many others. She loved me for me, because I didn't have much else to offer LOL. I think about that often and work to provide a lifestyle and environment that feels secure and settled for us all. Many of our new neighbors are where we aspire to be: They've already raised their children and now their grandchildren are the ages that our kids are now! Since this is our second financial crisis of our adult life, I'm not certain about the future. What I am certain of is that I will do my very best and with God's help we'll be alright.
Happy Mother's Day to all of the mothers in the world. And all of the women who are helping to shape the lives of those around them. Whether they know it or not.
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