Survivor's Guilt

Buzz of the Week Survivor's Guilt - The rapper Jay-Z has just released a book called "Decoded," where he reflects on his life and how rap is poetry, contrary to what many folks think. I was listening to an interview that Howard Stern did with Jay, asking him about his past, and is he uncomfortable because of the amount of money he's made. He said, "Sure. Survivor's guilt." Typically, when I've heard that term, it was in reference to a disaster where many people die and a small number of people survive. Naturally, those survivors will ask, "Why me?" I think kids that come from difficult circumstances have a certain amount of guilt if they are fortunate enough to rise above their prior situation. I have survivor's guilt. My cousin Boo is a smart, charismatic, confident guy, who happens to be in prison with a sentence of natural life. That means barring appeal, he will die in prison. We are about two years apart and he has spent over half of his life and all of his adult life in prison. I feel awful when I don't write enough or visit enough. I feel awful when I see Boo's dad. I feel bad when I do visit and we reminisce about things that happen 15 years ago. Things that I only vaguely remember, but he recalls like it was yesterday because he's spent so much time in prison. What can I do to make myself feel less guilty? I ask my self that almost every day. Part of me feels like I'm living for those I grew up with and never made it, those who are no longer here and never made it, my cousin Boo, and my wife. I've been waiting my whole life knowing a I have gear to ratchet up to, but I don't know how to access it. I want to be great. I want to get the most out of my life. No regrets. So I can take care of my family and make my cousin proud. I want to look back on my life and know I've given it everything I had. I have a feeling that I'm getting closer to that next gear, but I don't know how close. I pray that it comes sooner rather than later.

The Men Behind the Curtain

Baxter's Buzz

Buzz of the Week - We live in a fast-paced, fast food, social media, ESPN/CNN ticker world.

News is pass along so quickly, it becomes difficult to stay on task.

I believe it almost encourages us to be unfocused, and ultimately keeping us off our path.

I have trouble staying focused. I always have. There is so much going on ALL the time. We have the internet, which is one of the most important things is my life. I use it constantly and work and at home. At my desk and on my phone.

How often do you take a moment to reflect on what's going on in the world? Not the latest Brad Pitt gossip, or who Kim Kardashian is currently dating. I'm talking about what your mayor is doing, what your governor is doing, what the US government is doing in different parts of the world.

How aware are you?

It's like "The Wizard of Oz." There were all of these distractions for Dorothy and her friends, keeping them away from their ultimate goal. We are so busy dealing with day-to-day problems, we aren't paying attention to the "men behind the curtain." The crooked businessmen, shady politicians, the companies behind the television shows that influence our perception are the "men behind the curtain."

Today in Michigan, legislation was passed to grant broad powers to emergency financial managers. Essentially, this allows these "emergency financial managers," appointed by Michigan Governor, Rick Snyder, to eliminate and toss out union contracts, fire officials, and dissolve elected councils and boards (As stated in today's Detroit News online). This would effect communities and schools districts that are operating at a deficit. They can actually disolve local governments, and actually merge these local governments with others if they deem it necessary.

We must all wake up and pay attention. Don't let all of these not important issues, distract you from the major moves that are being made on a daily basis. Pick up a newspaper or look at your world news channels. The events that are going on are shaping our future. Directly and indirectly. Are you even awake? Are any of us?

Maybe Charlie Has It Right

Baxter's Buzz of the Week

Buzz of the Day - Do you think there's an amount of money that will give you the freedom to say whatever you feel?

I am very careful of the things I say, for many reasons. I think the main reason is to not offend anyone. I am also very mindful of the power of words and the power of perception.

Most of the extremely successful people that you know or heard about are pretty different than you. Why is that? They push limits and bend rules to the point that these limits and rules are redefined after the fact.

Most of us save our true feelings about work for when we get home amongst our friends. Then we turn around and talk about our friends and family with other friends and family and/or talk about them at work.

How would you feel if your boss REALLY knew how you felt? You'd probably not have a job. Could you handle what people really felt about you? Probably not. So we deal with people and we are extremely disingenuous while doing so.

What would it take for you to go "Charlie Sheen"? Not the drugs and that, but the honesty that he's portraying? To say how he truly feels about things, not caring how others perceive him? The freedom of knowing that you're different, and instead of trying to hide it, embracing it?

I believe that there are many reasons Sheen has done what he's done lately. Drug use (past and possible present use), arrogance, and more money than he knows to do with. I also believes that he's been itching to say these things for years, and now he's letting it all hang out.

There are people who have much more money, and much more sense that Charlie Sheen does. And for the record, I don't agree with how he's conducting himself. But I do think we can learn about embracing what makes us different like Sheen is doing. Whether its our feelings about war, the type of music we like, or our sexual orientation, we shouldn't be forced to conform to other's expectations. We all should enjoy being different.

There will always be political correctness that folks will call fake or phony. That's life. I'm not condoning call people out by name, being childish, and alienating people who care about you. I guess a part of me wishes that I was as comfortable in my own skin as Sheen appears to be. And I know there are people who are a lot less comfortable than me, who are dying inside.

It's hard enough being a human, not to mention living a life that you don't feel good about because you're hiding your real self.

Maybe we need to embracing what makes us different in order to truly excel. While we talk and write about these successful people, they are not worried about us. They are living their lives, giving us more to discuss.

Career Fair

Baxter's Buzz

(Editor's note: This was originally written on November 20, 2010, but never published)


I've been to two career fairs and one other unemployment type of event in the past three weeks. Although I've attended in a non job seeker capacity, it gets me buzzing. I am so humbled by the quality of people who are out of work. Many times I think, "This person is more qualified than me." With the available job pool being so small, and the unemployment pool so large, there will be tons of people unable to find jobs, who would otherwise flourish in a stable economy.



It keeps me humble, and it serves as a reminder for me to expand my portfolio and never get too comfortable in any role, unless I'm working for myself.

Create Your Own Luck

Baxter's Buzz

Buzz of the Day - Create your own momentum. Don't wait for some outside influence to swoop in and change your "luck."

I have faith in God, and that helps me come to peace with things that are out of my control. I use the word "help" loosely. For someone such as myself that wants to solve every problem, and help everyone else solve theirs, I struggle with what I can and can't control. Well, I understand what I can't control.

My struggle comes with what I should be doing while I'm letting God do his thing. I don't sit still very well. I get so frustrated with people who complain about their situation, but take no action to improve it.

This blog is dedicated to Mark Pheeney

Make History Today

Baxter's Poetry

Make History Today
As Black History Month ends, I'm thinking about how I can make this place better
Trying to improve my seat and make sure my place is better
But most are concerned with trending topics
KMZ and E ain't never put money in my pockets

As I write a letter to my cousin, feeling guilty because his jail number escapes me
The only thing I can think of is my sales number for the month
We're in a bottom line business and the bottom line is
One day it can rib eye, the next day Captain Crunch

But I love you cuz, and I feel like I'm finding my way
I'll be up soon and we can talk about the good days
And I know that we'll have more
When? I'm not sure. I can feel it my bones
Like old folks with arthritis, just keep holding on

What a week!

Baxter's Buzz

Buzz of the Week - Last week was very, very interesting. Being in sales, and understanding the importance of your performance on the entire business gives you a unique perspective.

There was an event I attended at the Ann Arbor Center For Independent Living. They are a non- profit committed to improving the lives of everyone, especially those with disabilities. Every time I attend something there, I meet amazing people who inspire me. They are facing obstacles that most of us could never imagine. Their aim is to become productive members of society like most folks desire.

There are a few Americans that are placed perfectly at the starting block when they are born, and the rest of us start at a significant distance behind, trying to our best just to get even. I think about black and brown folks, along with woman who are treated like they have disabilities (just to name a few). Life is hard enough to begin with, before having additional obstacles put in front of you. But I digress.

I also meet the awesome staff members who work every day to make a difference. Folks like Stephanie, Lisa, Gary, and Helen are full time employees at AACIL, remind me that there are people out there that still care. Sometimes, we hear so much bad news that we forget that people all over the world who are making a difference and making their mark in people's heart every day.

So once again, I'm reminded that there's more to life than chasing the elusive dollar. That same day when I returned to work, things were in the process of falling apart. There were co-workers of mine that were laid off that afternoon. Lives were turned upside down. Even those of us who were fortunate enough to keep our jobs, were taken aback by the events that transpired.

This same week, my wife was told by her boss that she needs to come in to work on time. Not because she was getting there late, but because she would be 25-30 minutes early! Maybe her boss wants her to come in 25-30 minutes late like she does. I don't know. But before the lay offs at my job occurred, I told my wife in a text, "Remember: its just a job."

Your job can define you if you choose for it to define you, but under no circumstances does it have to! We need to find fulfilling jobs that we feel good about. And if that's not an option, we need to fill the rest of our life up, outside of work, with meaningful things.

God Bless you all. Thanks for reading. I really appreciate it!