Happy Habits

#BaxtersBuzz

"I remember when I was young and hopeful. Before life beat me down." Those were the words out of my friend's mouth. He was joking but only semi-joking. He's in his late thirties and part of him has given up.

I was out with friends recently and as we shared stories of what was going on in our lives, there were good things and bad things being shared. The ONE thing that we all know and acknowledged is that without our significant others, we wouldn't be as stable or as well off as we are now. My wife has been so instrumental in helping me understand those other things in life that I may have missed, but are so important to her. If it were up to me, we'd probably have the same sofa that I had while I was a broke bachelor! There are things that I never cared about.

Responsibility changes you. Or at least it should. Seeing what's important to my wife gives me a new perspective on things. My point of view has evolved. My daughter being born has once again given me more perspective. Those two will forever shape how I live the rest of my life.

My buddy who I referred to earlier is single, with no kids and no real leads for a spouse. He isn't a terribly happy person. I'm not sure what'll make him happy. Not sure what his plans are when/if he gets married. Not sure if that will complete him. Give him purpose.

I look at all of the social media and listen to people at work and everywhere else. I've determined that generally speaking, we are not a happy bunch. How do we change that?

I must live with my loved ones in mind, but I cannot simply live for them. I was reading an article by Jeff Haden called 7 Things Remarkably Happy People Do Often. I encourage you to follow the link and read this very interesting article. For the purpose of my piece, I'd like to talk about two of the things. Actively pursue your goals. "David Niven, author of 100 Simple Secrets of the Best Half of Life, People who could identify a goal they were pursuing were 19% more likely to feel satisfied with their lives and 26 percent more likely to feel positive about themselves." We have to set goals and strive towards something as a way to feel connected. If we aren't making progress towards something, what are we really doing?

Another thing that happy people do is make good friends. This is a subject that I blogged about just recently. Haden talks about the importance of not just making professional friends, but "real" friends. "Doubling your number of friends is like increasing your income by 50 percent in terms of how happy you feel," is an awesome way to describe the importance of making friends wherever you go. 

Live today. Set goals and pursue them! Make real friends and build relationships that matter. Protect those special relationships with your life, because without them, your life isn't getting the miles to the gallon it's intended to.

There are many aspects of one's life that contribute to their entire portrait. We can't let one missing color make us feel incomplete. Pursuing our goals, while building with our friends and family is good stuff! Nobody's on their death bed wishing they would've taken more naps in their life or played it safer.

It's not just the wins, but the losses as well. It isn't just about the peaks, but the peaks proceeding valleys that you never thought you'd escape. It's not just arriving at your destination, but your entire journey. One day we'll be recalling more memories than we're making. At that point, I want to feel like my life was my own.

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Clear Next Steps

#BaxterBuzz

Definition of networking: the exchange of information or services among individuals, groups, or institutions; specifically: the cultivation of productive relationships for employment or business. Are you networking effectively? Do you have a mentor? Someone who's in a position that you'd like to be some day? What about the company you keep? Anyone of them doing anything that you're aiming towards? 

As I approach the end of this year, I need to look at MY support system and find out what everyone's role is. Should I be adding and/or subtracting based on my goals for 2014? Is this selfish? To some degree, yes, but being selfish isn't always a negative thing. I need to invest into myself by making sure I'm spending time with people and doing things that will feed my spirit, inspire me, and get me to the next level. 

Tomorrow isn't promised and I don't want to waste my time at a crossroad, deciding where to go when I can be going! I'm not big on moving aimlessly just for the sake of moving. I want to move full speed ahead with a group of people who encourage my individuality.

We lose ourselves to peer pressure; to other people's expectations of what we should be doing. Everyone wants us in a box. Society wants us to work within certain parameters, to put ceilings on your dreams. And if it isn't someone else shooting down our dream or discouraging us, self doubt and self pity will paralyze you. 

To truly empower someone, is to encourage their individuality. To give them the confidence to be themselves. The freedom of being yourself is the greatest gift you could ever give yourself or help to give someone else. Most people wouldn't know what to do with their freedom. You could unlock the windows and open up all of the doors and they'd stay their scary asses inside because it's where they feel most comfortable. If you are with people who suppress your ambitions with negative thoughts, jealousy, or simple indifference, you're better off by yourself.

If are not with folks who share your passions and allow you to be yourself and encourage that, you may end up losing yourself and never finding it again.

October 20, 2014

#BaxtersBuzz

Out of town trip this past weekend. First trip away from the baby. Wifey and I celebrated another year of marriage. This whole thing never gets old. There are TOO many variables. Marriage isn't something you master and then it's smooth sailing from then on. The dynamics are constantly changing and you must be in tune with these changes and do your best to keep up. Sometimes you need to do more and then there are times when you need to fall back and relax. If you don't have your eyes open, you'll miss your cues. Once you continue to miss cues, things can go all sorts of ways at that point. Whew! It's exhausting just talking about it.

My baby girl seemed to do well while we were away. When we got back she was excited to see us though. She ran and ran and ran around the house. Let her granny tell it, she hadn't been that hyper the entire weekend. The irony: We enjoyed our time away, but wondered if she missed us. But her missing us too much would've made our time less enjoyable. Us humans and our weird ways! 

Mondays are tough because typically I've been with the family all weekend then I have to head to work. I feel like everyone has the same sentiments. They would've been perfectly fine with another day without seeing our Monday morning mugs.

While we were waiting for a table this weekend, Wifey and I were both on Instagram looking at pictures. This old man with his wife decided to playfully tease us because we were on our phones and not talking to one another. He joked how soon none of us will have social skills because everyone will be texting. I totally understand his thought process and I agree. The irony of the situation is his old ass wasn't talking to his wife either!  He probably was mad because didn't have a smartphone. I love to see the older folks smiling when they know their quip was dead on. I'll be exactly the same way.

Sometimes when you win, you really lose and sometimes when you lose, you really win. Honesty with one's self will give you the proper perspective and help you deal with each scenario.

History Repeating

#BaxtersBuzz

As I look at NBA training camps and the regular season approaching, players talk about having a "new focus," and "being in the best shape of their life," I can't help but become skeptical. What exactly are you doing with millions in your pockets that you weren't doing when you were broke? Typically, the last year of their contract (they year before a team can commit NEW millions to them) is when you really see players go all out. I'm in sales and we're measured on a monthly basis. We are given our numbers compared to our goals and we're given advice on how to improve.  We don't have "contract years," but in many sales environments any month, quarter, or year can be your last. How should we respond to that type of pressure?

Folks want to start their new diets (or any sort of plans) at the beginning of the week or month.....or YEAR! We're always looking to buy ourselves more time. The future is NOW. Look behind you, but don't look for too long. Life is whizzing by you. Whatever goals you have, start on them today. The past is full of procrastination and regret. Don't let history repeat itself. Learn from the past, but don't live there. There's so much life ahead of you and so many blessings waiting. Things that are in the history books can't be changed (unless you're the government, but that's another story altogether). Each day we start, we're  given a new pen to write our story. Don't let that pen dry out while you stare at pages that have already been written.

Letter To Boo (Building)

#BaxtersBuzz

 Below is a letter that I sent to my cousin who's in prison.

Peace. I appreciate the words of encouragement. We are alike in so many ways. We clicked as kids, but we still have the same mindset. It's crazy to hear your thoughts because we share so many. It's like we're on the same wavelength. You are a gift to everyone who knows you. To everyone that has had the pleasure to build with you and learn from you. I was watching an interview (with Ab-Soul) and he was asked what we were put on earth for. His reply, "To build."

When you feel a sense of empowerment as well as inspiration after talking to someone, you've had a great conversation. I hate that most of our conversations are through email, but I still feel that you understand my struggle, because my struggle hasn't really changed. I've felt this desire to do more than I'm doing. Feeling like there is so much left to do, just not sure where to begin. But when I think about it, I've already begun.

It started many years ago, when you and I first started building. We'd sit up all night and talk about some of the heaviest shit 11 and 12 year olds could think of! It was iron sharpening iron. Those conversations gave me keys to things, years and years before I'd know what to do with them. This was the playbook. Many of the lessons that my dad didn't share with me, but shared with YOUR DAD, and your dad passed along to you...those eventually made their way to me. Maybe I had to hear those things from a child's point of view in order to fully digest them. Crazy, right?

October 13, 2014

#BaxtersBuzz

So as I went to pick up breakfast for the family on Sunday morning, I saw a girl that I went to high school with. She had seen some pictures of the baby from social network and the conversation started there. She talked about wanting to have children but was currently single and didn't know when that would change. Said she had two relationships that were essentially a waste of time. She said her goals didn't align with these dudes' goals. She has a fear of being an "old mom" once she finally becomes one. Do you want to do something quickly or do it right? Time is so valuable. Sometimes we think we're making a wise investment, only to find out later that we took a huge loss.

The wife and I went out for dinner and had plans to meet a couple of friends for drinks afterwards. My friend is single and the wife's friend is also. We thought it wouldn't hurt to at least introduce them to one another and see what happens. Both were at home and it all seemed to be lining up perfectly. Until her friend decided she wasn't interested in meeting anyone that night. Would it have been anymore than a night out? Would it be love at first sight? Or something in between those two extremes? Compatibility is an interesting thing. It has to do with more than liking the same movies or growing up in the same town. But sometimes something simple like that can be the difference between a friend and a spouse.

Timing is instrumental when finding a partner, a job, or any opportunity. What if you're in between jobs, looking to leave the state, or going through a crisis? There are times when we're simply not ready for what's in front of us. There are times when we don't want to be ready and then there are times when we need to figure out a way to be ready because a person or opportunity is too good to pass up. But we can't miss what we never had and for every job offer we pass up because we're comfortable in our current position, there's someone else out there waiting for that same offer. All we can do is try to make the decision that feels best and be ready to live with the consequences.We should not cry over spilled milk and we definitely should not feel any type of way about some else's milk.

Sean "Diddy" Combs posted a message on Instagram this weekend that read, "Work until you no longer have to introduce yourself." I can really dig that! I need to work harder. I must prove myself right. I am not only a survivor, but I want to be a winner. There's plenty of evidence backing up the "survivor" statement, but I need many more accomplishments in order to consider myself a winner. The journey continues.

The fourth quarter of the year began about two weeks ago. Besides looking forward to some really good music being released, it's time that I turn up the volume and work to finish this year as strong as possible. There are people who have proven to be more adversarial than I would have guessed. I am not concerned with why certain people don't want me to succeed, I'm just concerned with putting myself in a position where they cannot impede any progress that I'm trying to make. We must not look at the people who are being pitted against us, we must look at those who are doing the pitting.

Off Kilter

#BaxtersBuzz

When I drop my daughter off at daycare, it's so interesting to me that at 17 months, she knows where to be. She takes her spot amongst the other kids in something that resembles a circle and waits for her cereal (even though she just ate breakfast at home. Who doesn't love cereal though?).

What's cooler than that is actually seeing her interaction with the other children. She only has a handful of words but she has friends! She is one of the youngest kids there and also the newest. So months back when she started, we'd see her kinda off to the side, playing by herself at the end of the day when we went to pick her up. Was she not being accepted by the other kids, my wife wondered. I thought she was just being a mom and overreacting, until I saw her with my own two eyes (always that that term was weird. How else would you see something?). Then I felt what my wife was feeling. It's a cool feeling to see my daughter's "peers" happy to see her when she arrives. We arrive later than normal a couple of weeks back so all of the children were there already. They all said, "Hi Zara," and one of the girls (who I was told was her bff) gave my baby a hug. Zara even patted her bestie her on the head, as to say, "Now now, everything is cool. I'm here." Interaction at any age still fascinates me. The roles we take on in particular groups, but that's another blog for another day.

I'm "off to the side" a lot at work. I'm in my own mind often, but rarely do I feel like I'm missing something. With a brain buzzing like mine does, it's easy to get caught up in your own thoughts. Don't get my wrong, I'll eat lunch with others if it works out that way but I'm completely satisfied with eating alone. I'll chit chat at the water cooler like everyone else.  I LOVE having good conversations,or even the occasional (when I say occasion, I mean any occasion that I get) grade school humor that seems to never get old no matter how old us men get.

The friends I grew up with set the bar so high regarding conversation, commonalities and charisma, that if they weren't around I knew they couldn't be duplicated easily. I have many folks that I'm friendly with, but I'm still working on not comparing everyone to my closest friends. It's like comparing every meal to your best meal ever. It would be tough to feel satisfied, right? There are people at work that I truly get a kick out of! Funny, smart, interesting folks that I'd like to learn more about. Many times, time doesn't allow it and it's hard work to convert someone you're a "fan" of at work, into a friend outside of it.

I get along with mostly everyone and if you take a quick glance, I seem to fit in just fine. It's only when you look closely that you see I'm actually playing off to the side by myself. Not that I've been relegated there, I just feel comfortable where I am.